A Man Who Has Seen it All

Depending on if people want it or not, is how I know if I should post more of it or not. I really want people to tell me how they feel on it. This post is short because I don't know if anyone wants to even read it. So yeah. Thanx a bunch, if you decide to read and give some feedback.

(Reporters Perspective)In a world with a few people left, is a man, and this man is not your typical man. He has no personal belongings, and no family because of those men, if they can even be considered men. He knows the end of the world is close, so close its almost suffocating. And that the end could happen at any moment, and he wishes it wasn’t true. The ‘men’ are killing anyone, and everyone, that they come across. Kids are losing their parents, and the parents are losing their children. In most cases one member of the family is not killed, and is left to witness the rest of their family being murdered.
How does this man know this? He knows this because he has been there, and seen it. If your thinking that he has only seen his whole family murdered your right, but that’s not all he this man has seen. He has also witnessed his home, with his families bodies still inside mind you, and the building he started his business in burned. He has also seen more of his family killed, the remains of his best friend, and the bodies of many of his friends. So now he’s alone on the streets struggling to survive. He told me his story and I’m here to report it to you. It isn’t a tale with a happy ending, but it’s his story. Read forward, and learn about this mans troubled past.

Hmm, that is a very interesting idea. I'm not sure if I like that beginning that much, but it is perfectly fine if you do. There is just a few spots where I would probably change something.

dark angel52 wrote: (Reporters Perspective)

If you are going to make this into a longer story, you don't need to put "Reporters Perspective" in the beginning. Any reader can tell perfectly well that this is not from the main character's perspective, but if you really want to make it clear try making a prologue to put those paragraphs in.

dark angel52 wrote:and this man is not your typical man. He has no personal belongings, and no family because of those men,

This is unclear, because you are referring to everyone to everyone as men. Try giving some of the people names to make it clearer.

All in all, I think it is a great idea and you should post the rest!

The only reason I put that there is because the ones who are creating the madness are men. They have no names, and not any of them are females. I guess I should have made that a bit more clear.. But I do thank you for the review, and putting a prologue would probably be smart. So thank you once more.

Hi,
First of all, you shouldn't say that! On this site someone will defiantly read it! Next time just write a bit more, some people will read something short then not review because of that fact. Have confidence! Your work is good.

A few points to consider: Put in italics so then you won't have to say: Reporters perspective. That makes it seem a little

(Reporters Perspective)- Take this out, its not necessaryIn a world with a few people left, there is a man, and this man is not your typical man. He has no personal belongings, and no family because of [i]those men -- if they can even be considered men. He knows the end of the world is close, so close its almost suffocating. And that the end could happen at any moment, and he wishes it wasn’t true. The ‘men’ are killing anyone, and everyone, that they come across. Kids are losing their parents, and parents are losing their children. In most cases one member of the family escapes their prying eyes, and is left to witness the rest of their family being murdered.[/i]

How does this man know this? He knows this because he has been there, and seen it. If you're thinking that he has seen his whole family murdered, your right; but that’s not all he this man has seen. He has also witnessed his home -- with his families bodies still inside mind you -- and the building where he started his business in burned. He has also seen relatives killed (maybe add in something like: his brother, sisters and his wife's), the remains of his best friend, and the bodies of many of his other friends.

So now he’s alone on the streets, struggling to survive. He told me his story and I’m here to report it to you. It isn’t a tale with a happy ending, but it’s his story. Read forward, and learn about this mans troubled past.

This is a very good start to a story with potential. I really like it. I can't wait to see where this goes and who these 'men' are. Good job! You got me interested.

Please continue writing.

PM me when you have more or for anything else!

Love,
N

Thanks, that helped a ton! And I hate to say if I am good or not, makes me feel weird. Hard to explain but still.. Anyway I did use some of your revisions, because they helped a lot. I am in the process of editing the next part some, and as soon as it is done I will be posting it.