Christmas joke.

If heaven only knows,
then what are we to do?
When preying to a God,
you can't speak to.

Frost now gathers in,
for yuletide to begin.
Festivals given nye,
for a foreign god, born to die.

If he be a loving Father,
then what cruel joke be?
To sacrifice his only son,
to set the wicked free.

If heaven only knows,
then what are we to do?
When preying to a God,
you can't speak to.

Preying: To hunt, catch, or eat as prey: Owls prey on mice.
To plunder or pillage.
Praying: To utter or address a prayer or prayers to God, a god, or another object of worship.

What is one supposed to do when they pray to a God that cannot answer them back? I know this is what you are trying to say, but make the message more clear. And in the last line, make it "that you can't speak to," because the flow and the rhyme is off there when you read it aloud. In all though, it's a nice way to start the poem.

Frost now gathers in,
for yuletide to begin.
Festivals given nye,
for a foreign god, born to die.

I would omit the word "foreign," because the last line seems jumbled up with it. The flow here is good if you read it correctly at the right rythm (personally, I had to try like, 7 times to get it correct =]). You're writing the setting here, but it doesn't connect to the last stanza. Here's your poem thus far: What is one supposed to do when they pray to a God that cannot answer them back? Cold is creeping upon wherever, and people are celebrating a "foreign *God," who was born to die? I'm taking words right out of the passage here. I really have no idea what's going on. This poem is trying to paint a picture, but it's not doing the best job.

If he be a loving Father,
then what cruel joke be?
To sacrifice his only son,
to set the wicked free.

No idea. If in the first line you are speaking of God, then capitilize the "He." Second, reword the second line. Your use of "be" twice sort of makes the flow of the poem seem weird. You really need to read this aloud. And third, I don't understand the last line. I'm aware that this poem is about God and Jesus and all that Catholic/Christian-y (whatever, I don't know, I'm an atheist) Christmas stuff, but you have to make that more clear.

This poem is very, very nice. The rhyme scheme needs work, and the flow needs help, but it's a cute poem. I recommend you read this aloud when you edit it, because that's how you can tell whether a line had too many or too few words.

Your a poet with tons and tons of potential! Keep writing, I say!

~*Sara*~

Its been a long time, eh?

Well, I liked this poem but I felt that it could be so much more. This is a very powerful subject and it felt rushed. I love you for your beautifully written short poems but kris, you're going to have to go a little long on this one.

If heaven only knows,
then what are we to do?
When preying to a God,
you can't speak to.

Hmm, I feel that I'm missing something.

If heaven only knows what? Explain what you mean and nix the rhyming if you can't figure out how to fit into the scheme. You'll still be great if this goes freestyle ^_^

preying should be praying.

Frost now gathers in,
for yuletide to begin.
Festivals given nye,
for a foreign god, born to die.

If he be a loving Father,
then what cruel joke be?
To sacrifice his only son,
to set the wicked free.

I quite loved these two stanzas but I felt as if I were forced to this point, you understand. As I said before, this needs to be lengthened. Let your ideas flow freely and then go back and worry about rhymes and such. Hope I helped dear.

Ta for now,

~Angel

If heaven only knows,
then what are we to do?
When preying to a God,
you can't speak to.

As mentioned, this is the wrong kind of 'prey'. The one you wrote is to stalk something, but the one you intended was pray

Frost now gathers in,
for yuletide to begin.
Festivals given nye,
for a foreign god, born to die.

I would drop the foreign it sounds mixed and odd when read out with the others

If he be a loving Father,
then what cruel joke be?
To sacrifice his only son,
to set the wicked free

I like this, it rhymes nicely and it is truely elegant.

I liked this Poem, it's meaning was deep, and I understood it. Good work, I look forward to reviewing- no wait, correcting your Poetry

kris wrote:If heaven only knows,
then what are we to do?
When preying to a God,
you can't speak to

Frost now gathers in,
for yuletide to begin.
Festivals given nye,
for a foreign god, born to die.
If he be a loving Father,
then what cruel joke be?
To sacrifice his only son,
to set the wicked free.

Heaven knows what we'll become
Then why are we anyway here?
Why praying to God
You can't speak with?

Hell won't freeze over
just for yuletide to begin.
Festivals given nye (sorry but I don't know what's a "nye")
For a God born to die.

If He was a loving father,
then what a cruel joke would be
to sacrifice his only son
and set the wicked free.


I don't know if this helps you.... I tried to do something with it now it's on you to see if you like it...