Better in the Dark

Dark pressing all around,
pressure building, intensifying.
You try for a little while but in the end
the black claims you.

Then you hear their voices,
those who call you under
to join in their ranks, to submit to
the same pressing blackness that crushed
their helpless forms long ago.

Then you see your lovers face,
begging with pleading eyes to try harder,
to break the surface and the
distance that keeps you both apart.
To hold on a little
longer until it’s time for her to join you
down in the black abyss,
together, forever.

Then you speak your brother’s name,
tears dripping down your cheeks, mixing
with the saltiness all around.
You try and tell him you’re sorry, that you just
couldn’t hold on any longer,
but the words get lost in the darkness.

At last you feel a warm embrace,
not knowing if is trying to save you or
drag you deeper still, into that black,
night-black pit of despair.
All you know is the warmth of its touch
that awakens the beast inside.
It stirs the sleeping giant and with an untold strength
you break free of the clutching waters, only to find that
life was better in the dark.

I really liked this. It was dark, emotional, powerful. You're obviously one for gothic poetry. A few tips:

Because gothic poetry is dark and mysterious, it means there can't be a hint of hope and happiness and the like. Be afraid to make references to such. Work with this fear. This is another stereotype that many tend to believe. Because you write gothic poetry means you don't have some kind of happy moments, or else you barely feel them. In the most of cases gothic poets see happiness as a forever lost thing from their past or as a lifetime unachieved ideal.
You've obviously achieved the above, though.

Blood and Black aren't strong words because of their overuse in today's society; if you want something stronger, then refer to the thesaurus. Adding darkly, disturbed, literate, and twisted synonyms such as these for black: ebon, ebony, onyx, sable, dark, or pitch-dark. For blood you could use words such as vitae and gore; for red crismon, russet, carmine, bloodshot, cherry,blush, brick, cardinal, and scarlet.


Otherwise, amazing work! Favourite verse:

Then you speak your brother’s name,
tears dripping down your cheeks, mixing
with the saltiness all around.
You try and tell him you’re sorry, that you just
couldn’t hold on any longer,
but the words get lost in the darkness.