Travel

2 posts
User avatar
writeholic
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 20
Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:23 pm
writeholic says... · Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:23 pm
Tell me what you think!!!

Travel

I once chanced upon
A forsaken path
Leading me through the Golden Trees and
Thought not where it truly led me.

But rather continued-
With no feeling in heart
Not allowing time to think a true thought

And so I soon came to another branch
In the Forest we all must travel and
thought to myself "I will look back."
But found I had naught to look back to.
Last edited by writeholic on Mon Nov 24, 2008 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"You start thinking anything is possible if you have enough nerve"- J.K Rowling
Quote




User avatar
Leapy
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 27
Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:21 am
Leapy says... · Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:21 am
I really loved this, so nicely done first off. The only thing I would suggest is in the last bit:

And so I soon came to another branch

In the Forest we all must travel and

thought to myself "I will look back."

But found I had naught to look back too.


too I think should be changed to on

When I read through it all, Too just seemed to stick out and feel off as your last sentence, but it was really good!
~*Don't Tear Me Down*~
Quote

2 posts


Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.
— H. Jackson Brown