Desire

Why can't I stop thinking about her?

The smell of her perfume.
The length of her hair.
The smile that captivates the moon.

I'm drawn to her.
Attracted by her.
I even find myself wanting her.

I burn with a desire and longing in my groin I can't deny.

The feeling is irresistible.

The love and desire I have for her compels
me to embrace her, to kiss her, and to love her.

I want to show her an inner beauty unknown
and a love that transcends all understanding.

In the night,
the softness of her body
tantalizes me and incites me to insanity.

The sound of her breathing
stirs a passion inside of me that's been dying to burst out.

The rhythm of her movements and technique glistens in
the light of the moon as the silhouette of the window pane ripples across her back.

At last ecstasy,
a moment that can't be defined.

Words could never explain the sweet release that's
excreted from the orifice of my body and the very depths of my soul.

The sensation is overwhelming
but I can't deny that what I feel is real.

What can I say to get her to understand that I'm her angel?

The being that she has been praying for,
the person who has came to illuminate her darkness.

Please my love,
I beg you to step into the light
and let the radiation and brightness fill you with the warmth of its rays.

Give into your most passionate desires and release your most inner depths.

Let me show you the purity and love that you have been waiting for.

Why can't I stop thinking about her?

Good first line! Draws the reader in.


The rhythm of her movements and technique glistens in
the light of the moon as the silhouette of the window pane ripples across her back.

This was the most beautiful line.



Please my love,
I beg you to step into the light
and let the radiation and brightness fill you with the warmth of its rays.
Give into your most passionate desires and release your most inner depths.

Very emotional, brought me near to tears.


You have a very good poem here. What you need to work on is containing a few of these emotions, saving them for the final line where the reader will be absolutely overwhelmed. Save your most powerful message or insight for the end of your poem. The last line is to a poem what a punch line is to a joke--something that evokes an emotional response. Give the reader something to think about, something to dwell on after reading your poem. Resist the urge to explain it; let the reader become engaged with the poem in developing an understanding of your experience or message.

Excellent work. I love your poetry.
xxx

Please my love,

I beg you to step into the light

and let the radiation and brightness fill you with the warmth of its rays.

*sniffs* This is so beautiful! I loved this. This is another one of your great writings that I absolutely adore! When you get published...let me know!