Because - Chap. 14

DELETED

KJ-

Wow. That. Was. AWESOME! This was beautifully written, like most of your work. The whole chapter I was feeling so much suspense and pressure it was killing me. Although it was just a tad predictable when Will first appeared. I couldn't find any grammar or spelling errors and I can't wait for more story updates.

My conflict faded as I studied his crazed expression. Now only fear consumed me, and nothing else. “You’re insane,” I whispered.

This is the most suspenseful cluster of sentences, to me, that I loved.

-Moony

I pursed my lips, slamming my locker shut and turning to face her.

This sentence sounds really weird to me. I feel like you changed tense.

No other else will ever catch my attention.

You mean 'one' instead of 'other'?

Other than the two things I found, this was stupendous(I'm trying to think of new words to describe your writing). I absolutely adored this chapter. I love how psycho you made Will sound, it was perfect. There really isn't much more I can say about this, besides the fact that I honestly believe it should be published.

Keep writing. Don't forget to PM me when you post the next chapter.

-Venom

Sorry I got to this late, KJ.

Well, I loved this chapter and I didn't find anything to nitpick about, which is good. The plot is really starting to pick up and now I wish that you would've posted Chapter 15, because I am addicted. The dialog and the expressions on both Will and Rebecca's face makes this story so believable and entertaining. At the same time, you write about something that may seem surreal but really it could happen and that is frightening. I love this story and really hope you get it published so that I could buy it and read it over and over again!


Ta for now,

~Angel

Venom, Moon, and Angel:

Thanks for reading. You guys are amazing. When I'm editing, I'll take all suggestions into consideration.

Next chapter along... probably in a few days, if I can manage to slip away and find computer again.

Yay!

The tension is really, really good! I really like how much she's torn between her desires. She also seems very defense which is a sign that she actually believes the stuff that her friends are telling her.

Mr. Sheldon is a creep.

I’ll always be with you, now.

When you put the comma in there, it makes me feel like there's supposed to be more dialogue in that certain part. If you take out the comma, I think it would flow better.

Excellent work, mei dear, I can't wait to read more!

*KJ~

Oh. My. Goodness. This was just amazing and weird at the same time. It's just crazy. This chapter and every one has seriously drawn me in. I have got to keep on reading this novel. Too bad it's on the internet, I wish it was in my hands. In. A. Book. Yes, you heard me right. I want this published, so I can buy and read in a comfy chair and read all day long. So that means, you HAVE to publish this! Please. For me and everyone else.

If Heath, Brittany, Ann, and Kim suspect something and they eventually tell a teacher or counselor shouldn't Becca worry about that? Or doesn't she?

Okay, Sheldon should stop. Someone is definitely going to notice something between them. It's just really creepy what he's doing. All that, I wanna be with you crap is sick. What type of teacher would do that? Sheldon would.

I'm sorry, KJ. I just totally dissed your character. My bad. But, that's what I think of him.

I found no mistakes, as usual. Keep up the wonderful work!

*Merry