Life Through My Eyes

4 posts
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soconfused4512
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 31
Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:49 pm
soconfused4512 says... · Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:49 pm
I've finally realized the truth
this soon unto my youth
you couldn't walk a mile in my shoes
I finally have a chance to choose

As for my choice, if death is on my side
i choose suicide
she's finally helped me to see
there's no one to care for me

All I've ever known was a lie
now I see the bright side
there's a razor all I have to do
is cut straight through

Maybe then someone will notice..........nope never mind
NO ONE CARES!!!!
Last edited by soconfused4512 on Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
~OdD~OnE~
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*writewatiwant*
Gender Female
Points 10701
Reviews 356
Wed Nov 19, 2008 10:44 pm
*writewatiwant* says... · Wed Nov 19, 2008 10:44 pm
Ok... I liked it ! My favorite part was:


And my choice if death is on my side
[shouldn't it be: And my choice is, if death is on my side, ]
i choose suicide
[I choose suicide]


[quote]
you couldn't walk a mil ein my shoes
[you couldn't walk a mile in my shoes]
[/quote

It isn't noone it's no one.

Anyway these are minor mistakes. I liked it :D
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AllForYou
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 1
Wed Nov 19, 2008 10:56 pm
AllForYou says... · Wed Nov 19, 2008 10:56 pm
soconfused4512 wrote:I've finally realized the truth
this soon unto my youth
you couldn't walk a mil ein my shoes mile in
I finally have a chance to choose

And my choice if death is on my side
i choose suicide
she's finally helped me to see
there's noone to care for me 'no one'

All I've ever known was a lie
now I see the bright side
theres a razor all I have to do
is cut straight through

Maybe then someone will notice..........nope never mind
NO ONE CARES!!!!



Very sad and full of emotion, beautiful :D.
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Arashi
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 16
Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:05 pm
Arashi says... · Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:05 pm
Very well put but you could add something more kinda of have the words clipped of one another? to make a more drastic affect? dunno but great poem I would have liked to see it have a different ending overall keep it up!
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4 posts


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