Lonesome Traveller

Anything you have seen, I have seen a thousand times. I’ve seen everything, everyone. I make friends then watch them leave. I’ve fallen in love then watched them die. Seen the First World War, the second and beyond. I’ve seen things that you couldn’t even imagine, things that would make you run with fear, make your blood run cold, the future. Things you couldn’t see even in your wildest dreams.
But then you see your family and that is the one thing I can never see again. Banished for eternity. I am the lonesome wonderer of time and space and will always be.
I have felt pain like no other……… you have never felt it compared to me.
I can never go back, to my parallel universe.


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thanks guys for the comments below. this is the edited version and i hope there are no spelling or grammor mistakes! (fingers crossed!)

if there still are any errors please say or if you have any suggestions to make it better it would be much apreciated

Emily

Hello,

Correcting as I go along:

Anything you have seen, I have seen a thousand times. I’ve seen everything, everyone. I make friends then watch them leave. I’ve fallen in love then watched them die. Seen the First World War, the second and beyond [s]that [/s] (<I think you should take out the that) . I’ve seen [s]think [/s] (<things)that you couldn’t even imagine, the future, . (<Put a period and start a new sentence. Otherwise it's a run-on!) things you couldn’t see even in your wildest dreams.
But then you[s], you [/s]see your family and that is the one thing I can never see again. Banished for eternity. I am the lonesome wonderer of time and space and will always be.
I have felt pain like no other……… you have never felt pain compared to me.
I can never go back, to my paralleled universe.

It's pretty good for an intro.

But it's a little too short to tell where this is going...

I hope you post more soon!!!


MUCH LOV3

I’ve seen think that you couldn’t even imagine,

Things not think.

I can never go back, to my paralleled universe.

No need for a comma here. Also, instead of paralleled, it should just be parallel.

I'm really not a fan of sad stories. It was good introduction though. I think that readers who are into this kind of thing would love it.