Hey, I haven't seen an acrostic for a while, so well done for using a much neglected form.
The main problem with this, I believe, is the poem lacks focus and imagination. I have been bullied myself, don't get me wrong, but the essence of poetry is to distill your thoughts into something that will capture the audience's imagination. Use images - and I don't mean clichés, either. Find a more inventive way to express your thoughts. Instead of complaining "Bitches are bullies" try to rephrase this in a less offensive and less sweeping statement. Start with a strong image:
Bullets batter my soul,
Undo the humanity I deserve...
And so on. Poetry is not about splurging thoughts all over the page: it is about seeing things in a different, fresher light. And that is what every poet should aspire to do.
Good luck!
Gahks
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." William Faulkner.
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I have to disagree with Grahks on his revised suggestion "Bullets batter my soul / Undo the humanity I deserve". That line has simplistic and obvious imagery and just makes the poet sound desperate, suicidal almost, and everyone's had enough of such whiny and self-fulfilling poetry. But everything else Grahks said was spot-on.
This poem has to be a joke; either that, or you clearly have no knowledge of poetry. You were struggling to find words to fill in the acrostic part of your poem and in doing so, trample on the life force of the piece in the first place. The poem is vague, hard to understand because of the rant it's done in, has no imagery, no story, nothing but a tantrum. Delete this immediately and start working on something that makes more sense. It can still be about bullies, but this time show some depth of emotion, perhaps a reflection or foreshadowing, and make it more than one-dimensional.
Actually, this is a very good topic. And yes i would love to do that to bullies. I hate them. But you need to not use so much anger. Maybe some sowrroness* or lonliness or just........... But the point I am aiming at is that a poem doesn't have to be just about anger . Using a diiferant kind of emotion can certainly change your poem but you have to do it right . Hope that helped!!!!!
-midnightsun10135
I hid my face against his shoulder."I love you." i whispered. " you are my life now," he awnsered simply.
Firstly, I must say, don't use vulgar or slang words when writting a poem. I wasn't that much impressed by the words and all. It didn't give off such a a good impression, as you are using your anger only to write this poem. If you had used your imagination more, you would have gotten a better poem.
So, good luck.
Warden: "If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask." Alistair: "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants." - Dragon Age
akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on- — AceassinOfTheMoon
