Alone

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1085
Reviews 2
Alone I walk through the deep, dark forest.
Alone I cry.
Alone I watch the shadows looming,
Alone. You don't hear me sigh.

Alone my voice echoes with pain.
Alone I yearn.
Alone my feet stumble over rocks.
Alone I burn.

Alone my heart cracks and breaks.
Alone I fall.
Alone to pick myself up and keep on going.
Alone I crawl.

Alone I step into a lonely glade.
Alone I cry.
Alone I try and make it....
But alone I die.
Last edited by BumbleBear on Sat Feb 27, 2010 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Gender Male
Points 990
Reviews 4
It's alright, nothing special but there's not anything wrong with it that i could find (except that last paragraph is a little weird)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 566
hey Bumblebear welcome to YWS!

To be honest I didn't really enjoy this poem much, I found that the repetition was a little annoying after a while, sometimes repetition can be very effective but I feel that this poem lacks what it takes. There is no real depth or meaning that I can see, and I think that if you are not sure about a stanza then you need to look over it.

Read through it and see how it flows and what sounds right and wrong, it always helps!

Keep writing!

meevs
x
Bag.

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You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh