"In with the Old"

“In With the Old”

He looks at the girl
Because she looks
Nothing like Her.
He holds the girl’s hand
Because she doesn’t
Feel the same.
He believes the girl
Because she doesn’t
Lie like Her.
He shares with the girl
Because she doesn’t
Scorn the same.

She is nothing like Her.

He smiles at the girl’s name
Because it is
Nothing like Her’s.
He stares into the girl’s eyes
Because they never
Look the same.
He holds the girl’s body
Because it is
Nothing like Her’s.
He listens to the girl’s voice
Because it never
Sounds the same.

She is nothing like Her.
How can he love this other girl?

He hurts because he loves Her,
And so he needs the girl.
But she is nothing like Her.
How can he love the girl?

I want to be Her.

But I am just this other girl.


Damn Her.

Whoa...
this had this rythem that was a bit annoying to read over ad over but it was still a rythem...
Yeah, I have known people (myself even) who have been like the boy in this story... ouch.
this was an over all good poem, it explained everything well...
Good going

A tad on the repetative side but I enjoyed the concept. It was a little confusing at times to figure out who was "she" and "her" and "girl" whether that was the old chick or the new chick. Not bad and as for that last line, actually the last three lines sound like they're coming from a different character/perspective, not sure if that was intentional or not. Its the first and only time you use "I" and the question, well who's the "I" is not clearly answered (not me at least). If its suppose to be in the perspective of the old chick then it should be consistant throughout the whole poem. Personally I like the omniscient-ness of it all but my suggestion to you is experiment with the different points of view. Hope that helps (sorry for semi-ranting, its late at night and I'm bored)

From what I can tell, skeptik, "She," "The Girl," and "I" are all the same person, and "Her" is a separate person.

I like the poem, but anyone that knows me knows I don't necessarily like the content lol.

I really like it. It shows the dilemma and pain in a situation like this.

I like it. The rhythm is a little weird but it was interesting. And I like the last line.

Should I take a cue from e e cummings and keep all "I" "she" and "girl" (the new chick) references in lower case (regardless of grammar) so that they better contrast with the capitalized "Her"(the old chick)?

"i wish i was Her"

or even

"i wish i was HER"

Also, would cutting half the lines remedy the repetitiveness, or would it sacrifice meaning?

Thanks for your posts!

That could work--I like the lower case i's and the capitalized "Hers"...but not so much the all caps "HERS."

The repetetiveness is good, don't change it at all!

I like the repetition. I don't think you should cut anything. And I agree with Hunter about the lowercase/capitals thing.

I like this poem. I really get it. Suggestions: the repetitions are cool as far as motif and unification, however with the length of the poem, it gets a bit redundant. I would still get the message if it were shorter. I am not sure what exactly I would cut out though. As for the ee cummings thing, that whole lack of capitalization thing always bothered me. Maybe that's just my OCD. I think it is clear which chick is which in the poem. Capitalizing "Her" as if it were a proper noun works for me. I like how it isn't revealed that the girl is the speaker until the end. Which brings up your poll. If the last line to which you were referring is "damn her" take it out. I think it is stronger just leaving it with "But I am just this other girl." Maybe even take out "other." I think the conflict the girl is going through is clear enough from the rest of the poem that she doesn't need to say "Damn her." I think "I want to be her" says enough about the relationship.

Well, I can't really add anything to that. I liked it, I liked the conflict and confusion in it. I think I agree with pretty much everything Carmina said ... I knew which girl was which in the peom, and I don't think you need to emphasise it. As Carmina said, "damn her" could probably go, the poem works well without it.

Well, I didn't really say anything new, but I suppose things come a cross as more important if more people say them.
I do like the poem though.

Damn her is the last line? I like it! its funny.

I really enjoyed this poem because it is a very good subject and is well-expressed. I was not fond of the last line because it sounds awkward with the rest of the poem and the line before which I liked would be a good ending line. The repetition of she's and her's made it a little hard to read, but that is not too much of a problem. There was one line that bugged me.

She is nothing like Her.
How can he love this other girl?

I like the first line, but the second line bugged me. I'm not exactly sure why; maybe it's the 'other' before girl, but you might want to reword it a little.

Besides, that, I enjoyed this poem. Good job. Keep on writing.

Who is this guy? Does he not know how to treat a woman!? Sounds like the other gal is being used...

Haha, enough of that...

If I understood this correctly, the man in this story sounds like he's using the his new ladyfriend as a way to get rid of thoughts of his old (sounded like a misused) love...so he uses this new girl to get as far as possible from this old love (the one he really loves?).

I like this poem, as with all of your poems. The complexness of keeping the "she"s and the "Her"s apart makes it a fun read, and leaves much open to interpretation of the narrator's emotions. Jealous? Sad? Glad he's there at all? Confused? (I just chose to interpret it with my first reaction, it's always served me well in the past)

lol. I sure have a thing for tangents lately.

--Q