*Still untitled*

I just had to write about this. I don't care if you like it or not, I dont' care if I spelt "amazed" wrong. I just don't care. I just had to get this entire incident off my chest before I cried again. So, enjoy... But then again I won't care...
*attempted tounge smiley but can't...*

I'm amazed at your ability and courage
To do whatever you wish
Because I know you will
And I'm amazed that
The knife in your hand is still there
And not back where it belongs
Away from your loving hands...

I'm amazed that you cared
So much as to put your fate
[to grab a knife beside him]
In equal arms if he didn't stop
You did this to him, to show
That you cared and always will
No matter what might happen
I admire that bravery...

I'm amazed my heart is intact
And that I can breathe easy knowing
Everything is how I knew it

God, don't scare me like that again

Well, I liked it, but I'm not the local poetry expert so you may want a few other opinions on it.

So much as to put your fate [to grab a knife beside him'

I'm not really sure what's happening with this bit. The bracket and the ' thing. And it's much longer than all the other lines.

But I think it flowed well, no stuttery places and such.

I hope you feel a bit better having got it off your chest.

heh. I'm no expert, either. Yeah, the bracket thing lost me.. did you miss the last one or something?

The only thing I noticed (won't talk about subject matter) was wordiness. Take the first two lines, and you could combine them to get "I'm amazed at your ability and courage" which I think sounds cleaner, things like that.

I hope it feels better getting this off your chest, too.

Ok, i fixed the bracket thing... i don't really know what I was saying either... heh. but it's a good line damnit.
yeah and i did miss the last one I guess lol... i shoulda checked another time... hee hee

Good, TBR--disturbing becuase I know what it's about, but great stuff--I love your style, as always.

..yeah. What Hunter said. One of those "I love the poem but hate the reason behind it" things. So, for here and now, good job.

I agree with Crysi and Hunter. I like how you have some good images but it's not so "poetic" that the reader (a.k.a. clueless me) have no idea what's going on. Grood job.

Well, at least nobody called me diddums.... "don't worry diddums it'll be alright!" "don't worry (random person...coughemmacough) this'll only hurt a little bit" *fires flamethrower*

I like how honest and frank this is.

I can tell this poem is very personal to you, but I like how even though the three of you (?) would understand it better than anyone else, there's still enough substanciality to give us outside readers enough information to understand it.

Well done, so well done I'm off to go read more of your stuff in fact.

--Q

You really like my stuff that much?
(It's been two months since last comment so it could be liked now....)
Sorry if it isn't italics, I'm too lazy to click the buttons.

MORE COMMENTS APPRECIATED!!!

Hey,
I'm not the best or most thorough reviewer in the world, but here it goes,

I really liked the poem. It moved me but I'm a bit confused to what it was about though. I liked your use of words and basically everything else. I would really appreciate it if you could PM me and tell me what it's
kind of about because frankly, I'm confused.
C.C

*locked*

Look at the original post date before reviving these threads, please!