The Masquerade- Pt. 2

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“So,” Chloe said, “What are we doing after this?”

“Why do you want to talk about that?” Melanie asked. “I only just got here. I want to enjoy the party awhile.”

“I know. But still.”

“I suppose we’ll just go over to your place. All right?”

Chloe nodded. “All right.”

The two girls came up to the punchbowl, a glass wonder given center stage upon a great table. They each picked up a glass and filled it with punch. Chloe began to sip hers, looking out at all the well-dressed human and enchanted adolescents of the aristocrat class. Melanie took out a small flask and put a little bit of alcohol into her punch before she drank from it.

“You don’t need that,” Chloe said.

“What do you know?” Melanie asked with a smirk.

A couple dressed in a matching brown suit and dress walked up to Melanie and Chloe. At first Melanie thought they were a drably dressed human couple, but then she noticed that both of them had a sealskin slung over their arms. So, a selkie couple had been invited.

Melanie poised herself to greet the enchanted couple. The selkies opened up their fans so that the names written on them could be seen. The girl’s fan was grey, and had Owl written on it. The boy’s was black, and had Panther written on it. Melanie and Chloe performed the same action in return.

“Hello, Phoenix and Dolphin,” the girl selkie said. Melanie had a hard time understanding what she was saying through her thick Irish accent. “Though I think we know you, Dolphin, better as Chloe.”

Chloe laughed and walked up to the girl selkie. They held each other in a friendly embrace, then withdrew. Then she repeated the process with the boy selkie.

“Who’s your friend, Chloe?” the girl selkie asked.

“Oh, come on, Melanie,” Chloe said. She took Melanie’s arm and brought her forward. “This is Melanie Dennison, my significant other. Mel, this is Muir and Sam.”

“We are pleased to meet you, Melanie,” Muir said as she extended her hand. Melanie shook it. “I have wanted to meet the lass that Chloe talks about so much.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you too,” Melanie said. “I hope I meet your expectations.”

“Of course. I can see it now, now that I can see you>”

“You’re the person we heard about,” Sam said. “Chloe got lucky.”

“Of course,” Chloe said. “When am I not?”

“I can think of a few instances,” Melanie said with a smile. The selkies smiled as well. Chloe cracked a grin.

“Well, I’m lucky most of the time,” she replied.

“Yes, indeed,” Muir said. “We’ll see you throughout the night. Take care. It was nice to see you both.”

“The same goes for you,” Melanie said. “I hope the chance to get better acquainted.”

“We will,” Sam said. “You can bet on that.”

The two selkies turned and melted back into the party throng.

“How long have you known them?” Melanie asked.

“A few months,” Chloe replied. “They haven’t been around long.”
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[Disclaimer: Once I finish this awful paper that's due tomorrow, a review will be in place of this disclaimer]

Disclaimer fulfilled! I am back.

So, a selkie couple had been invited.

A selkie. That sounds really familiar. But, anyway, it makes me feel like I've entered a fantasy toned story again, which I was beginning to miss with this story

“Hello, Phoenix and Dolphin,” the girl selkie said. Melanie had a hard time understanding what she was saying through her thick Irish accent. “Though I think we know you, Dolphin, better as Chloe.”

Chloe laughed and walked up to the girl selkie. They held each other in a friendly embrace, then withdrew. Then she repeated the process with the boy selkie.

Okay, well, maybe I'm wrong about the fantasy tone! So what does selkie mean? Speaking of selkie, I feel like you're saying it quite a bit. You've given them nicknames - I feel like at least in one or two spots you should use some form of those, as I feel that word rising up so much it feels very awkward to read.

Well, this is very difficult to review. There really is no storyline yet, and most of the dialogue is introductions and niceties. I'm still having a somewhat difficult time telling the characters apart - mainly because nothing is really going on besides introductions and niceties. But then again, this is also a very short entry. You're posting very little parts up, and I feel like I'm reading the introduction a story, but haven't gotten to the actual story yet.

I want to see what will happen though - but you haven't really given any hints as to what will happen. Anyway, I'll wait for the next part and see what manner of events will take place.

~ Clo :)
Last edited by Clo on Thu Nov 13, 2008 6:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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The concept is alright, but it is kind of confusing to me at least. You could describe the couple selkies more and the two characters more so I can imagine it better, but not bad.
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Conrad -

Ha. I hate it when people jump into stories without having read what comes before and complain about being confused as well. :wink:

Anyway. It's nice to see Sam and Muir again. Kind of strange to see them outside of their own story, but fun at the same time. This is most definately a strange masquerade party now that you've added a fantasy element into the mix.

So the other day, my mathematics teacher put a question up on the board that went something like this, "If China's entire population walked by you, how long would it take for you to see every man, woman, and child who lives there?" Assume that it takes one second for a person to walk past you and that China's population is around 1.6 billion. Turns out the answer is 44 years. That's pretty scary when you think about it. Makes you feel pretty insignificant, too.

But the point I'm trying to get at with this is that this story kind of feels like some kind of weird Macy's Thanksgiving day parade with the characters walking by as floats and Chloe and Melanie as commentators. I'm not really liking it. I was kind of expecting a little more substance and plot to this chapter and I really don't see where you could go with this in the coming installments...

Style-wise I have nothing to say. My only complaint is how this story, and only two chapters in, is feeling a lot like China parading past me at one person per second for 44 years.

-Kylan
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

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There is nothing to fear from someone who shouts.
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