Fight the Night

Face the night
death is fun
time to fight
no time to run

Strike with light
use the sun
loose your sight
when the fight is done

Make it bright
so none are lost
for light is might
and dark is soft

Fight the night
if you wish to live
you must lose your sight
for the light to give

nice structure...i think i got what you are talking about

I really like that short simple sweet straight to the point and quite meaning full

Brealdown =]:

Face the night

death is fun

time to fight

no time to run

Great hook line it reall really works and it builds some tention.

Strike with light

use the sun

loose your sight

when the fight is done

More intensity talking about the confliction the fight so much of a story and so many pictures run through my head when I read this part i saw the sun and the world gong against the moon and its darkness

Make it bright

so none are lost

for light is might

and dark is soft

Little bit more detail and hook lines works out well

Fight the night

if you wish to live

you must lose your sight

for the light to give

Quite inspirational honestly it is, its like that part in movies when the good guys finally get the guns but the bttle hasnt started yet but you know they now have change. its very nicely written for example IF YOU WISH TO LIVE YOU MUST LOSE YOUR SITE FOR THE LIGHT TO GIVE. THe line if you wish to live will keep anybody reading than you end it so suddenly absolute brilliance.

You want people to think than they are going to remember. THeres a famous quote by Benjamin Franklin[I believe so] and it goes " IF you want to be remember do something worth writing about or write about something worth reading"

Thanks for reading. I have more but i have to make some reviews first. The point system is a cool way of keeping the community involved.

"dark is soft"









...i love that.

Great poem the end I think in my opinion your last line with ending the poem...doesnt really do the poem justice. Feels unfinished anyhow it was fun reading it

Arashi wrote:Great poem the end I think in my opinion your last line with ending the poem...doesnt really do the poem justice. Feels unfinished anyhow it was fun reading it

How would you have ended it?

Well, I don't normally read poetry but I saw this up in that little box in the top right hand and I figured I should check it out.

Anyway, I really only saw one problem that deserves a suggestion:

Strike with light

use the sun

loose your sight

when the fight is done

In the line "Strike with light" prehaps change the word "light" to "might." Something about the original wording of that line just, I don't know, sounds, wrong. Anyway, give it a shot if you like. It's just an idea.