the one you left behind

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 18178
Reviews 1259
i can only watch you so long
before i need to know what's going on

because misty-eyes are so overdone
especially by young boys and their young hearts
just a series of numbers on a scrap of paper
with a heart in the corner, and all my dreams will be stuck
together again after falling to pieces so many times.

sometimes it feels like i'm sailing to australia
in a handmade paperboat, with only holes for company
and the vicious wind veering me off course again and again
forever blown by whispers behind my back
and the scars of no confidence.

if you only stopped hiding behind snowpeaked mountains
and the dark corners of fantasy forests, we might be able
to forge something tangible, rather than half-attempts
and waiting for gold to fall in our laps rather than creating
rainbows for ourselves and placing the treasure where we need it most.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6165
Reviews 665
I loved this poem. It was very creative and I love the imagery...it was quite a bit of it but you didn't overdo it. I'm not sure if I grasped the full meaning of the poem, but there was enough there to get the point across. Great work.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3941
Reviews 488
just a series of numbers on a scrap of paper
with a heart in the corner

oh.. nice.

Good imagery, definitely. The last stanza, last three lines.. oy does that speak true. Also, third stanza, last line.. "scars of no confidence" I got chills from that. As for the rest of that stanza, i like what you're doing with it, but veering of course seems..eh, overdone, I guess. not quite chiche, just overdone (if that made any sense at all). But the line following i love.
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)

Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.

I <3 Rydia



That, sir, is the most frightening battlefield in the world: the blank page.
— Larry McMurtry, Comanche Moon