Vertloch

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Chapter One

“I AM NEVER playing truth or dare, ever again.” Cale muttered. I turned toward him and frowned.
Normally, Cale and I would have just walked past the distorted elevator in the back of the library, like we always do. Although today we didn’t get much of a choice, because of some stupid dare at Jackie Lynn’s party. Jackie figured that to prove all those ghost stories about the library basement weren’t true, she’d send us down there. The grand library seemed hardly the place to put a killer monster or zombie. I mean, this place was the fanciest thing ever. On the outside it had four pillars, with ancient carvings, a huge double staircase, and stained glass windows. But… the basement was a real place, and we did have to go down there.
“The game was your idea, remember?” I said.
I faced the doors once again and reached over to the red “down” button. A loud DING rang through building, causing both Cale and I to jump. He stepped up behind me. The large bent-in doors opened slowly.
“Here goes nothing.” Cale jumped inside of the shaft and motioned for me to follow. Tom, Jackie’s brother, had told us of the last person to go down, he was never seen again. Cale, as superstitious as he is, didn’t believe them. He just doesn’t like basements. I, on the other hand, am pretty sure we’re going to die.
Throwing caution to the wind, I stepped inside. As our eyes adjusted to the darkness, a bright “5” came into view above the elevator doors. Out of no where, the entire shaft shifted, throwing us back against the rails. The 5 changed quickly to a 4, then a 3, a 2, and a 1. It slowed, and we came to a full THUD. I regained my balance as Cale pulled me up.
“We’re here.” He said as he pushed me out the opening doors.
A dimly lit room came into view, and above the doorway hung a sign. It read: MYSTERY AND HORROR.
“H-holy…” I stuttered, glancing back behind us: the elevator door was gone, in its place was a brick wall. We walked slowly into the room. There were rows and rows of book cases. Cale hurried off to the opposite side of the room, while I just stood a moment. Not a single space of the wall was empty, thousands of books, and a single desk in the corner. I approached the desk, to see piles of burnt and torn papers. As I kicked the chair away I glanced across the desktop, all of the papers were dated in December of 1805, and they were letters to a Evangeline Jenkins.
Dearest Evangeline,
I am so sorry to have left you this way, but it is for the better. Hopefully, one day you will forgive me. I love you.
Aaron
I hesitated before I picked up another, this one a journal entry.
December 13, 1805
Today was the attack. Someone, someone had let all the dark spirits free, he led them to attack us, and they clocked themselves around the castle and Village. They’re leader, a sorcerer. He took my family and locked away their souls. I ran from them, I fled from my kingdom. But they found me. They captured me and brought me here. His face was hidden behind a black cape. He locked me here, I am not sure of my whereabouts, though I am sure I am in Vertloch still, they did not seem to take me far. I pray for my family and peoples lives. They will not be able to escape without the power of a pure human opening it from the outside. I pray that someone will find me. Someone will save my family. They will need the spell book. They will need the f
Find what?! Who attacked? I re-read the letter twice before I heard Cale talking to me.
“What are you reading?” Cale asked. I smiled and looked away from the pile, stuffing the two I had read in to my pocket. I’ll come back for the rest later.
I watched as he shrugged and continued to read book in his hands. On the back wall I ran my finger along the dusty, ripped bindings and stopped at a red leather book. I pulled it out and stared at the words on the cover. ÔEllhnistiv Musthvrions lovgoß. It sounded a good bit like Latin.
“Cale?” I said, and then turned halfway around. Much to my surprise he was two feet behind me, grinning happily.
“Uh-huh?” He glanced down at the book.
“Do you know what this says?” I held my book up so he could at least attempt reading it in this horrible light.
“I duh know… I think it’s Greek. I know musthvrions is mysteries.” He said slowly and unsurely.
“Thanks a lot.” I shrugged and put it back. I turned back around to look for a clock. A large grandfather clock was resting in front of a gigantic wooden door. How did we not notice that before? I wondered.
There was another sign. DO NOT ENTER. Following my gaze, Cale ran toward it.
“Cale.” I moaned as I moved cautiously after him.
“SWEET! I love DO NOT ENTER signs.” He tried pushing the clock away from the door.
I watched as he pushed and pushed, but the clock didn’t budge from in front of the door. He stopped for a moment and looked at me, with his eye brows raised.
“Feel free to help me Alice.” Connor said, sounding very annoyed.
I moved toward the clock, as the little hand struck the one. We had done it, we got through the dare, and we can leave. Connor was staring at the hands, then at me, and back.
“We’re not leaving Alice, not till we see what’s in this room.” I suddenly felt a chill down my spine.
“Wait. What if this door was blocked for a reason, what if we’re not supposed to see what’s in there.” I said, pointing out the obvious. He looked at me, unconvinced.
“Alice. We have to see what’s in here. We just have to, what if this is where the disappearing people have gone? We can save them, Alice, we can help them.”
I stared at the clock a little longer. I backed away slowly toward the entry. Cale can stay if he wants. But then I stopped. He was watching me. What if this Aaron man, what if he is the one back there, I can save HIM, learn about this attack. I sighed as I walked to the, seemingly happy, Cale. I stepped behind him and leaned against the clock. He nodded and leaned against it also.
“Ready?” I started leaning harder.
“Yes.” He leaned harder.
“ONE. TWO. THREE!”
There was one loud thud, and the sound of shattering glass. The clock was away from the door, and in a million pieces.
Cale kicked at the pieces. The door was free. We could open it. All hope of saving these people, was right there. He jerked toward the door and went for the handle dramatically. His hand touched the door.
“DUH, DUH, DUNNN!” He screamed, making me jump.
“Shut up.” I said.

HE PULLED DOWN ON THE BRASS HANDLE AND IT OPENED.
Radomocity: (RAN dumb AW city): A state of random-ness.




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Gender Female
Points 1894
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Hello, hiya, how are you?

Lala, can I call you Lala? So you are relatively new, and I saw no one had reviews your story so I thought I would give it a go. Now I did notice that you have reviewed nothing but you have posted a little bit. Here at YWS we like to keep the post: review ratio at 1:2, only where it comes to literary postings I believe. Storybooks and such do not count.

Now on to the review!

So my first suggestion would be to go through and reread your story a few times just to make sure certain things sound right, some of it was a little bumpy to me. Also you changed Cale to Connor and back again at one point...hmmm

I did quite enjoy the story though, it had good build up and a nice cliff hanger.

The only things I would suggest is to add way more feeling, especially for Alice. She is the narrator and it feels like you are going a little too fast just to get it done and move on to the interesting parts. Don't rush! It's okay though, I do it too. Haha.

Also there are certain parts where you could add a tad bit more description, but for the most part I think you did a good job with painting the pictures with words for us.

One of my teachers once said that writing is like giving birth, you put so much time and effort into it and no matter what you love the end result.

PM if you ever need any more help!

--Rory
All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise you something great will come of it.

-Benjamin Mee



XD YES !!!! EMBRACE THE POWER OF CAPS LOCK + EXCLAMATION!!!! no SHAME IN BEING EASILY EXCITABLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— Euphory