Absurdity

Absurdity

There are elephants in the sky
And laughter in the air,
Cannons are saying goodbye
Because they say war is unfair.

Rose trees spring up in the desert sand;
Rose trees without a thorn!
The big brown egg bursts open, and—
Ninety-nine dodos are born!

The mountain’s ice is crystal strong,
The fountain’s water crystal clear.
Correct me dear, if I am wrong
To say Darkness equals to Fear.

Happiness grows on every tree,
The moon is made of cheese,
Silver spoons now come for free,
But only on saying, “Yes, please!”

All nightmares are in a jar
And buried underground,
The Candy Mountain isn’t afar,
Of course the earth’s still round.

Every man’s step is a giant’s leap,
And every tea your cup,
I know I am dreaming deep
But please don’t wake me up.

Sohini -

Despite the fact that this is a piece of rhyming poetry, which can go disasterously wrong, I though this was pretty good. You have this refreshing way of injecting good words and imagery into a concept that could have so easily been ruined by cliches and poor structure/scheme. I can honestly say to you that it's been a long time since I've read a rhyming poem like this, one that hasn't sounded like Mother Goose.

The idea this poem revolves around is not a new one. In fact, this reminded me strongly of Lewis Carrol and Alice in Wonderland. Maybe that's what you were going for. Regardless, this has been done before. You wrote this solidly, but since this concept has been recycled several times already, you're left with a stagnant poem that's really headed nowhere. [the reference to dodos especially tipped me off to Mr. Carrol.]

I would consider rooting through this to salvage a couple good lines or stanzas and reconstruct a new poem. A piece who's meaning is different and not so evident.

All in all, a good piece. But some conceptual changes are necessary to make it any more than 'good'.

-Kylan

Great poem. I haven't seen one this good in a while. Its nice to see something different. Personally, I like rhyming poetry, and I found this fantastic. Your grammar was flawless. Please, keep writing, your good at it.

In fact, this reminded me strongly of Lewis Carrol and Alice in Wonderland. Maybe that's what you were going for.

Hmm...that's a nice point you've got there but Mr. Carroll was not on my mind while writing the poem. But subconsciously, who knows? We all have Cheshire Cats lurking in our minds all the time, right?

And to both Kylan and Kaylyn Thanks a lot for the appreciation.

Hahaha that was a really nice fun poem to read I liked it keep up the work.

WHY CANT I WRITE LIKE THAT? lol hahaha jealousy is also a form of flattery...It's a really good piece of work make me laugh and think in a way it has both good and bad. It reminded me of some works we used to read in Lit class good job keep it up...Any chance you'd be willing to toss some poems my way lol jk

Sohini~

I think the title fits very well with your poem! I personally loved it, even though it was a little random to me... I found nothing wrong with it.