"We did everything we could." the nurse assured her as she sank to the white tiled floor. She cried uncontrollably with the nurse's hand on her shoulder for consolement. The girl lifted her tear-stained face at the direction of his family. Not even a comforting glance. Just malice and hatred. His brother chanced a glance and caught her eye.
'I'm sorry', he mouthed soundlessly, tears streaming down his face; the face which looked so much like Jackson it hurt.
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She pulled her dark hair back into a bun. Her thinness of face showed immensely. Her eyes were clouded and sunken. Only shining from unshed tears. She pulled on her nicest clothes. They ballooned on her thin frame. Out of the corner of her eye she caught the reflection of a black hoodie on the table on His side of the bed. She quickly pulled it over her black dress. She stared in the mirror at her dejected appearance. Her once healthy, vibrant skin now stretched taut across the bones of her face.
A small plastic bag sat on the dresser next to a pack of Basics. At the sight of the bag the tears fell quickly; then the anger surfaced. She snatched up the bag suddenly and threw it against the wall. She sank to the floor, shaking. She rested her small chin on her shaking knees. She rocked back and forth gently, holding herself together with her thin arms. She was breathing hard. A thin layer of sweat shone. She crawled quickly to the bag on the carpet with a whimper.
She took a pinch and inhaled quickly. A small trickle of scarlet ran down from her nose, and she swiped sullenly at it.
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She arrived at the service in a knee length black dress and his hoodie. She couldn't bear to go without it.
They were in the middle of prayer. She sat down in a back pew quietly and bowed her head. They were 'asking for strength in this trying time'; that this was one of 'God's tests'.
"The Lord is my shephard, I shall not want..."
A shadow fell across the floor she was staring at to hold back the tears. She looked up cautiously. A comforting smile stared down at her. She smiled wryly back and the tears fell freely. He put his warm, strong arms around her and held her gently. Her cheek rested against his shoulder and she wept.
"It's okay. It's gonna be okay. I'm here." he murmured against her hair. His voice cracked softly in the middle, so she could tell he was crying also. He held her until a soft cough broke the spell. She looked up into cold, hard eyes; they were red and green at the same time. They held no comfort; not for Her at least. She looked back down.
"You gonna be okay?" he questioned gently pulling away to look at her. He lifted her chin and looked her in the eye. Soft, green eyes, the color of fresh grass. She nodded 'yes' and sniffled. He squeezed her hand gently and kissed her forehead.
"I'll see you at the graveside service."
She nodded wrapping her arms back around herself. She squeezed her eyes shut and pictured Him against her eyelids. The way he was before he met Dustin. Vibrant. Healthy. Beautiful. In control.
