Time Wasted Without You

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The days disappear.
Together, they form just about three months.
Three months without you.
I feel as if it happened a year ago,
But also as if I saw you yesterday.
Some days you’re so far away -
A star in the sky that I wish I could grasp,
But will never be able to reach,
Even on my tip-toes.
Other days you’re right at my side -
The blanket I bury beneath at night,
Bringing comfort and security,
Just as you used to.
The clock still ticks.
Seconds become minutes, Which turn into hours.
Hours form days that disappear.
I tell myself that you aren’t gone for good.
Imagining that you’re on a long vacation.
Yet every time I see your name,
There’s an RIP right alongside it.
Some days it doesn’t phase me.
Three little letters,
With no significance,
No meaning.
Other days it hits me like a ton of bricks.
Three little letters,
Each representing a month,
A month wasted without you.
The months fly by.
Clocks are a constant reminder,
As they tick the time away.
Clocks tick, days disappear,
And now the months have flown.
Some days I struggle -
Attempting to remember you perfectly.
I replay your movements in my mind,
Forcing you back into my life.
Other days are easier -
You come back when I least expect you,
Magically stopping time.
For just a moment, you’re alive again.

Note: I don't usually write free-verse, but I was reading over some things I've posted in the past, and one of them was a poem written about the death of my close friend. It was a rhyming poem, and a few of you said that it'd be more significent if I tried writing one without rhyme. I took the challange, and there it was. I'd rather have a better title for it, but that's all I could come up with.
Last edited by LiNdSeYo7 on Fri Jul 15, 2005 4:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
<3 Lindsey




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I love it! I like how you did those bold lines, too. I don't quite feel as sad as I think I should, but I don't know if it's your writing style or if it's just me.




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Thank You! (Lol)
<3 Lindsey




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I think the lines in bold should be in italics instead. I think it's more poetically, or grammatically correct. *points to title* I'm obsessed with grammar and syntax.
"And I am a writer
writer of fiction
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones...
Let me go if you don't love me" ~The Decembrists "Engine Driver"




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I really like this. But I like nit-picking even more. So here goes.

The blanket I burry beneath at night


Is burry an actual word or is that supposed to be bury? Just thought I'd point that out in case it is indeed a type.

I feel as If it happened a year ago


If shouldn't bve capitalized.

Seconds become minutes, Which turn into hours


Might I suggest separating it after the comma?

And another suggestion: Break it into stanzas. It makes it a lot easier to read and helps separate thoughts. Also, you can make the bold lines one-line stanzas for extra significance and italicize them like DarkerSarah said.

This really is your best poem yet. Keep it up!
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>




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I love this too! I like the bolded lines, I think they make it different. My favorite is the middle stanza. (Stanza? whatever. The part between "The clock still ticks." and "The months fly by.") Anyway, the whole thing is really beautiful.
Siempre, siempre: jardin de mi agonia,
tu cuerpo fugitivo para siempre,
la sangre de tus venas en mi boca,
tu boca ya sin luz para mi muerte.

-From 'Del amor imprevisto', Federico Garcia Lorca




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Thanks again - I just made a few of those corrections. As for the bold lettering, I like it the way it is.. but thanks for reading!
<3 Lindsey



What's stopping you?
— David Mamet