Girl

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I loved this.

I just watched Labyrinth the other day.

tell of the babe. what babe? the babe with the power. what power?

cheers CL

Power of Voodoo
Who do?
You do
Do what?
Mind me of the babe.

Gotta love that song, eh. David Bowie is the best.

LABYRINTH!!! *dies* I need that movie. Grar. David Bowie is indeed the best.

Anyway, *laughs* This was really good. I really like this.

Thanks. It's nice to know other people in this world still remember it. I don't think I've ever come across a piece of art* that was more influencial to my work than this movie.

*When I say art I always include film and writing.

Shameless bump. Me wants more comments (Yes, I am so very mature.)

Gotta love David Bowie. And Labyrinth
Have to say though, as a poem this one kinda leaves me cold. The last line is the only line with any power of its own; the rest seem to just repeat themselves and contradict one another. The sentiment is flat. If we hadnt seen the movie, would we know what you were talking about? I doubt it. No offense, but if I were you I'd do some major revision work. You need to rework the rhythm and the flow. Such a punchy last line needs some suspense in the rest of the poem, some build up. As it is, it kinda comes out of nowhere. Elaborate! Put some emotion into it! It needs a lot more pizazz to warrant that gorgeous ending hehehe...

Ooh. Sting . But I wrote it for an assignment, and rarely does anything good come from that. I ain't doin' more work on this.

This poem is very powerful, very enjoyable. Impossible to not be liked. Kudos

i could go on about labyrinth (and recite every line), but i'd much rather critique this poem.
it's meaning was powerful, but as you tried to incorporate more labyrinth into it, the poem became distorted. i actually liked the ending but near the middle you ran all of these ideas together and none of it sounded really pretty. here's where you could improve it:

It won't be long now
You'll be mine
It's only forever
Not long at all
Lost and lonely

That's Underground
Nothing hurts Underground
Stay a girl forever
It won't be long now
I will be your slave

liked it