The Survivor (Extract 5)

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Kit, Alice and I searched for Chloe over the next week, but as each day went by, I thought more and more about how we might never find her. I never voiced these thoughts in front of Kit-she still searched with a desperate kind of hope- but seeing as we'd been round the island countless times and hadn't seen hide nor hair of Chloe, it was unlikely we ever would.
And, gradually, the 'tribe' forgot about Chloe.

We'd been on the island for a month or so when Brian found another boar. He and two other men came out of the forest, dragging another lump of meat between them. This one had already been skinned and, just like last time, it had no head, arms or legs. However, when Brian cooked it this time, Jack made no objections. Everyone ate their share of the food without a fuss.
I found Alice sitting on her own.
"Hey," I said. "Where's Kit?" Alice shrugged.
"Dunno. Probably looking for Chloe." I sat down and we talked while we ate our food. After a while, I rolled over and fell asleep in the sand.

I woke as dawn was breaking. It was beautiful to watch. There were so many colours- pinks, reds and oranges.
It was at times likes this, when it was quiet and the island seemed still, that I missed my parents the most. Why hadn't we been rescued yet? It had been a month since we crashed. Surely someone was looking for us? I sighed. Where we destined to be stuck here forever? I blinked and my vision suddenly became blurry. I was fed up of this island. I wanted to get home, to be in my house with my family and my possessions. I felt tired and frustrated all of the time nowadays. So I sat there and let the tears fall.

Chloe was still missing. And so, it appeared, was Kit. Alice and I couldn't find either of them. Neither could Brian when he went searching.
Where were they?

I talked to Jack about it. He thought for a long time, and scratched his head.
"Its a shame that they missed their share of the food." was all he had to say. I walked off angrily. That was all this stupid tribe thought about! Yes, I was hungry as well. But at least I cared when people went missing!

I stormed up to Brian, who was sitting next to the water spring.
"You!" I yelled. "You're meant to look after people here! And yet you don't care when two people go missing! Chloe has been gone for ages, and God knows where Kit is now! Why don't you do something about it, you stupid fool?!" Brian just looked at me calmly.
"When I have the chance, I will look again for them. In the meantime, why don't you search for them yourself?"
"I have! I've been looking for the past two weeks!" He smiled at me sympathetically.
"I'm sure its nothing to worry about. They're probably fine. You're getting too excited about all of this. Understandable, really. It must be hard with no relatives on the island. But don't you worry! I'm sure we'll be rescued soon!" I screamed at him furiously. He had no idea! Why would Chloe and Kit just wander off without telling anyone where they went?! And Chloe would never leave kit. They were inseparable. Something had happened to them.
And I was going to find out what.
Last edited by Gee on Tue Oct 28, 2008 10:14 am, edited 2 times in total.
The pupil who is never required to do what he cannot do never does what he can do.

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them as much.




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Gee wrote:It was at times likes this, when it was quite and the island seemed still,

quiet


Well that was the only mispell/grammar problem I found.

I really like the story you are making here. I have always wanted to write something like this but just never have. Maybe you should go back to the earlier parts and put in some description of what the people do all day do they just sit and stare at the sun or are they working on shelters and trying in vain to catch food ( besides the "boars" that keep being found).
"my job was twofold 1)save lives 2)take lives. Not necessarily in that order."




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Wow! This one came fast. It was good, too. Jack is turning out to be really cool. And Brian is turning out to be a jerk. I like it. I'm watching the TV series Survivor right now and it is so much like your story. Everybody is apart of a little alliance and some people get "voted off". There were a few spelling mistakes in this peice but that was it. I can't wait until the next.
Never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.




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Now, this was a bit too obvious on your part. It seems that Brian was killing off all the children and eating. And you pointed it out too soon.

We'd been on the island for a month or so when Brian found another boar. He and two other men came out of the forest, dragging another lump of meat between them

Look at this.

I found Alice sitting on her own.
"Hey," I said. "Where's Kit?" Alice shrugged.
"Dunno. Probably looking for Chloe." I sat down and we talked while we ate our food. After a while, I rolled over and fell asleep in the sand.

Then this,

See, you had made it obvious that Brian is now killing off all the children and eating them. Don't make it that obvious, that much soon.

Where we destined to be stuck here forever?

I think you meant, "Were we destined"

Understandable, really. It must be hard with no relatives on the island. But don't you worry! I'm sure we'll be rescued soon!" I screamed at him furiously.

Do you say this? It sounds as if Brian is telling this.

Well, it was good and thrilling, but add a little more detail.

Good luck. :D
Warden: "If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask."
Alistair: "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants."
- Dragon Age

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