An Autumn to Remember

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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 3
Singing in the shower is one of Autumn Johnson's many talents. She also sings out of the shower and plays on the school softball and basketball team. Nevertheless she's a nice girl, a great example of a christian and quite popular. She's also my best friend.

Every autumn, Autumn and I head up to the mountains for our annual camping trip to see the leaves change and get a chance to see the beautiful lake before it freezes in the winter.

Our trip was next weekend and this year Autumn was taking her dog, Freckles. I was so excited that i starting packing right away. When i was done, all there was left to do was hold down the anxiety.

It was a long trip down, about four hours, but when we got there it was worth the wait. Autumn and I set up our tent, while her parents set up theres.The first thing Freckles did was head for the lake. He wast a very good swimmer so Autumn had to catch him before he went in. That night we made hotdogs and smores, they were delious. It was such a long day so Autumn and I went straight to our tents.

I fell asleep instantley but Autumn heard something in the lake and went to see what it was. It was Freckles drowning in the lake. She ran to save but but it was too late. She had also used up all her energy trying to save her dog so she also drowned in the water.

No one knew what had happened to her, until the police found her body in the lake a week later. I cried for days until i relized that I shouldn't be sad because she was in a better place and that she was probley very happy there. So everytime I sing in the shower I think of herand feel grateful that she was who she was.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 8
'Singing in the shower is one of Autumn Johnson's many talents.'

I don't think singing in the shower is actually a talent. Singing is. But singing in the shower...I don't think so. =D

'Every autumn, Autumn and I head up to the mountains for our annual camping trip to see the leaves change and get a chance to see the beautiful lake before it freezes in the winter.'

Autumn (the first one) should be capitalized. =)

'It was a long trip down, about four hours, but when we got there it was worth the wait.'
I think you shouldn't have the 'down' there, it's kinda confusing.


Grammar: I didn't see too many grammar errors. There were a few 'I's that weren't capitalized so make sure you do that. In the last paragraph you spelled realized 'relized'

Overall, I think you need to have more description, it was kind of dull. If you add more description and 'feelings' it would be really great!


Googly



Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
— Adrian Mitchell