If You Only Knew-Revised

If you only knew

how much I cried

Would you still treat me this way?

Would you still hate me?



If you only knew

how much I'm honest

Would you continue to call me a lier?

Would you still not believe me?



If you only knew

how much my heart burns

Would you tell me that you love me?

Would you pretend to be above me?



If you only knew

how much my eyes have seen

Would you still call me innocent?

Would you still say I'm a child?



If you only knew

how much life was taken from me

Would you still call me lively?

Would you want to be with me still?



If you only knew

how much pain I've been through

Would you still tell me I'm not hurting?

Would you still pull me through it?



If you only knew

how much i can't trust

Would you still trust me?

Would you try to heal me?



If only you knew,

would i still be with you?

I'm pretty much speechless:O... Nice poem keep writing! (what you wrote actually made me think (hardly happens) )

well this poem is well written and actually it makes you to stop and think how you treat people surround you...this is good one.

i liked everything about it except the part that it was so long, but maybe it's because i've become accustomed to short poems, i don't know...

keep writing and i wish to you a nice week

I really like this. Very thought provoking.

Only things I would change:

these lines

Would you tell me that you love me?
Would you pretend to be above me?

I wouldn't have them rhyme because it doesn't fit with the way the rest of the poem went.

And the funny line spacing made it hard to read, I had to copy and paste into word and fix it up before I could understand it... I think still break the lines where they are broken, that's good, however only one line space between stanzas (is that what we call them these days...?) and none between lines within the stanzas.

Also, i think it needs more puctuation and consistent capitalisation... but that may just be me with my strange love for them...

If you only knew;
How much pain I've been through,
Would you still tell me I'm not hurting?
Would you still pull me through it?

Overall, a very good piece. I like your work very much.