Introduction

Very short introduction that I wrote for my first NaNo attempt that I'd like to re-visit. But i was wondering if this is maybe a bit to cliche and sorta overdone. Have you seen it before? Read it before? Written it before?


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Silently, I watched him.

He was something new. And, being something new, he possessed a sort of beauty that is only found in the alien and unknown. To be truthful, were he foreign or familiar, he would have been beautiful. With soft brown eyes and hair of the same dusty color along with a small round, still rather childish face, relaxed but alert, he was charming and enchanting to look at. With a bow in one hand and a quiver of arrows strapped across his back, he stalked through the Old Woods, the hunter.
I was glad not to be his prey.

Moments later, I watched as he raised the loaded bow, closed one eye, and pulled back without a sign of strain. The air was heavy for a moment and his fingers were slow to release the string. The last thing I heard before I woke was the hiss of his arrow cutting through the dead forest air.

This introduction is just right to me>) I find it very interesting from start to finish. I like the way you described the character and how he handled himself. It's always good to have details in your story it's easier to depict an image. keep writing and I would like to see more.

I liked it. I agree totally with the post before me. Just right for the introduction. I can't wait to see what you do with this!!!

This introduction is great. Its detailed, and it lets you inside the characters head. I loved it.

Your grammar and punctuation is great, I couldn't find any mistakes.

This story could go far, and I hope you continue with it. I can't say that I have read anything like this.

I really can't say much more because its so short. I hope that you finish this now. If you get more out, please PM me and I'll review it with pleasure.

So until then you did a phenomial job, the best of luck, and keep writing!

Are you describing a dream? It's amazingly detailed, and wonderfully crafted. I could see a story forming from this. Actually, I'm thinking of a story that could be formed from this. It takes a very good introduction to do that, let me tell you.
A few questions:

Is the hunter an elf or faerie? The unearthly beauty you described makes it seem so, and it would be nice to have a bit of clarification.

You mention the "dead forest air". Is the forest alive and well, or dying? The description of the hunter is lovely, but if you could provide a bit of detail about the land he was stalking through I would be much obliged.

"Were he foreign or familiar" causes a bit of confusion. Instead of "were", I would use "whether he was foregin or familiar..." It clears up the confusion a lot.

Very good, overall. I enjoyed it, and would like to see where this goes.

As with the title, I'm gonna have to give a short crit.

Silently, I watched him. (You don't generally watch someone loudly... do you? I mean, this person sounds like a stalker, or at least is using stalker-like techniques, so they wouldn't exactly want to be loud. Thus, the "Silently" is redundant. In fact, I think it would weigh it down a bit, even if there was some kind of need for it.)

He was something new. And, being something new, (Repeating this doesn't really do you any favours. Yeah, we get it, he's something new, you said it just TWO words ago. So, I suggest cutting the subordinate clause and replacing it with a "thus" in the end of "And".) he possessed a sort of beauty that is only found in the alien and unknown. (I get what you're trying to say here with the "alien and unknown" thing, but these adjectives just don't have the flare of the words before it. They sound to dull. I can't think of any suitable synonyms, but I'm sure you can find some in a thesaurus.) To be truthful, were he foreign or familiar, (I get what you're saying here, but I think you've worded this wrong. Maybe instead you could put, "it would not matter if he were foreign or familiar".) he would have been beautiful. With soft brown eyes and hair of the same dusty color along with a small round, still rather childish face, relaxed but alert, (I know a lot of people use this technique, but come on, relaxed and alert are antonyms of each other. This is similar to saying something is entirely white but entirely green at the same time. So, I think you should put something like this, "his facial features relaxed, except for his eyes, which were wary and alert." he was charming and enchanting to look at. With a bow in one hand and a quiver of arrows strapped across his back, he stalked through the Old Woods, the hunter.

I was glad not to be his prey.

Moments later, I watched as he raised the loaded bow, [color=red]("loaded" sounds too... modern for this sort of thing. Maybe instead you could put, "raised the bow, the arrow nocked with careful precision".) closed one eye, and pulled back without a sign of strain. The air was heavy for a moment and his fingers were slow to release the string. The last thing I heard before I woke was the hiss of his arrow cutting through the dead forest air.

Okay, the summary:

It was a very well-written introduction, albeit slightly cliche. I can't really tell from this point whether you should re-think your plot or something, because this could be completely original and mind-blowing in the next few chapters. So, keep at it, and be sure to tell me if you post more.

A pretty good introduction. But it seems more like an excerpt from within the story rather than an introduction. I think the word you're looking for is preface.

Brilliant word choice. I would definitley read this story. It's not cliche at all. No two types of writing are the exactly alike so I can't say that I've read this before.

However...it seems kind of Twilight-y. I don't know if you've ever read that book, but it seems kind of similar to this. That's really not something bad because you're always going to find books that are similar to each other but no two books are the same.

So that was my opinion. Hope it helped. If you're planning on continuing your story, PM me so I can review. I really did like this opening and I wouldn't mind reading more.

Ciao baby,

Dreamworx95,

XOXO