Ghosts

Falling through floors


I woke up, startled, to hear music blasting from my radio. I turned it off as I looked at the time. It was midnight and completely silent except for the sound of my racing heart.

I took deep breaths, calming myself, before trying to go back to sleep. Drifting off I heard the radio turn on again, and the volume, quickly, being turned down. Instead of feeling fear, I felt exasperated and annoyed at Derek, or whoever it was, for waking me up at this hour.

Slowly I moved my hand, over my radio, and slammed it down upon the thing’s hand. As I held onto it, I didn’t feel a hand made of flesh, blood and bone, but a misty sort of substance, in the shape of one.

Opening my eyes I saw half an arm sticking out of the floor, and, as I watched, a head along with a body began to rise out of the floor. After it had risen, it sat, cross legged on the ground and gave me a shy smile. I slowly sat up and pulled the blankets securely around me, refusing to let the fear consume me completely. It- he frowned at me and tilted his head, confused.

This had to be a dream, I thought, feeling some relief that this wasn’t actually happening. But it didn’t last long as he laughed at me, an evil glint in his eye.
This was no dream, this was a nightmare. And it was the last straw. I brought my knees to my chest and quickly ducked my head so that I was completely covered in my blanket, like a cocoon. I sat there, breathing hard, trying not to scream or panic.

Eventually I calmed down enough to realize that he was moving he made no noise, no sound, but I could hear the springs creak, as they sank downwards where he sat. I held my breath, waiting to see what he would do to me.

He tapped me on the head and said, “Sorry didn’t mean to wake you up so early.”

I gasped in shock and stared coughing, as there was no air to gasp. Finally when I stopped coughing, I lifted my head, timidly. When I saw it was, actually, Derek, not some angry ghost, a smile broke across my face.

I went to hug him, but then I then remembered that he was a ghost and that I wasn’t meant to touch him. But it was too late and the last thing I remember, before darkness took me, was Derek’s face laughing at me.

First off - though I feel bad beginning this with negative comments - your sentence structure was awful. All over the place. The first thing I would suggest working on is making this piece have a nice flow - right now it's a jerky, not-fun rollercoaster.

Also,your MC seemed to know the ghost messing with the radio was Derek, then she actually saw his face and thought it wasn't this Derek, then decided it was him again?

Her reaction to seeing a ghost is way too mild. Add terror, sweat, tension. Or has she seen a ghost before? Because it seems inconsistent, off and on, as if she expects to see it then doesn't.

Lastly, the title. I was confused about that. Is this piece called Ghosts, or Falling Through Floors? Verify.

On the plus side, I think this has potential. Just needs some work. It's a little too short for me to insert an opinion on whether I like this or not, but feel free to PM me if you decide to write more.

KJ

This was pretty decent. You have to omit some commas, in some places you have too many. Also, you said "It- he". Usually, you would say one or the other.