You What?!

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My old English homework... Critt please



YOU WHAT!?

"You what?!" Jack roared in shock
"I bought an elephant." Mark answered in an overly calm voice.
Jack buried his face into his hands and exhaled, a long, long sigh.
"Do you know how much space it would take?" he asked
"Yes-" his face twisted as he calculated the space and the size of the elephant. "About one small hall worth of space." Mark answered unconcerned.
Jack let out a cry of frustration "Oh my God!" he shouted
"Why in the name of all that is holy did you buy it?" Jack continued.
"Well it looked so sad," Mark said in defence. He looked a bit offended as he turned on his heels, his blond hair beautiful in glow of the chandelier. "I will now leave you, and your criticism alone," he said and then hipety-hopped down the great golden stairs to the grand hall of the mansion.

Just as he reached the doors leading out of the mansion he turned back to Jack "Oh! And Jack!" he shouted.
"I recon the elephant will be here at noon. I will be in a business meeting so could you take care for it while I'm gone?" asked Mark.
"What ever!" Jack answered.
"Great! I'll be back in seven hours!" Mark exclaimed and left. The Great big door slammed shut before Jack could say "Wait you forgot your wallet, you dumb-ass!"

Jack rose from his silvery seat and walked through the grand hall to the kitchen. The kitchen was full of movement, as the small servant imps walked into their shores. The imps were red and looked like the combination of a demon, dragon and a human baby. They were cooking late breakfast.

"Hello, and good morning, Sir. Godswell." Said the head servant imp Arsenganta. Jack looked down at the imp's twisted baby face, and said: "My brother will not be dining with us today."

"Yes sir... Are Mr and Mrs. Raeynee still stopping by for tea?" asked the head imp.
"Yes," Jack answered, "and we will need a few tons of hay before noon," he babbled on.
"Hay sir?" asked the imp confused.

"My brother bought an elephant," Jack sighed.
"Oh this is one of those practical jokes... A jolly good one if I may say so Sir," the imp smiled... It was one of those smiles you see when people don't want to believe something, and hope what they just heard was a joke.
"Oh I wish it were a joke, old friend. But were now the unproud owner of an elephant," Jack said apologizing.
"Oh your God.... I must make haste," the imp shook it's head worried.
"I must go and gather the hay then. Sir..." The imp gave a forced smile and ran away.

After the very boring meeting with the Raeyneers - speaking about the Mrs's collection of shrunken heads most of the time- the door bell rang.
An Imp ran to open it.

"Sir! There is a troll here... with an elephant," shouted the imp.

Jack jumped up from his chair, "Oh! I totally forgot the elephant!"
He ran to the door.
The troll had a delivery man's cap on and the blue outfit to match the cap. It had a hump on its back and looked like it needed some moisturising cream.

"I needs ur 'ame 'ere on 'is old pape' thingie." The troll told with a heavy accent.

Jack hated trolls. Not because they were trolls but because of their stupid accent.
"It just didn't sound right", was what he always said.
"Alright I will sign it," he took the paper and signed his name there

"Dat thing looks t' b' in da right place. 'Ere is your elepha't," The troll said as he pulled the animal forward from its reins.
Jack took the elephant inside "Good day, and Good bye," Jack said and closed the door on the troll. He took the elephant to one of their various small halls and left it there.
Mark came back soon after.
"I'm home!" he shouted
"Hello!" Jack answered "I signed the elephant," he continued.
Mark looked confused "What elephant?"
"The one you bought from the circus," Jack said irritated.
"No I didn't,"
"Then what about the elephant in our small hall?"

There was a short silence. They looked at each other. They ran to the hall... it was empty.


At that exact moment polar bear woke up somewhere in the arctic. It turned to its mate and said "I just had the weirdest dream..."
Last edited by Lord Anzius on Fri May 22, 2009 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
To copy reality is good... But to create reality is much, much better.
-Giuseppe Verdi-




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"You what!?I'm not sure about the rule for this, but I'd put the question mark in front because its a question." Jack shouted out in shock.

"I bought an elephant." Mark answered in a very calm tone.

Jack buried his face into his hands and sighedRepetitive, perhaps use a word like heaved. Maybe you'd want to describe his sigh. Is it resigned? Exasperated? Tired?, a long, long sigh.

"Do you know how much space it would take?" He asked


"Yes, about one small hall's worth of space." Mark answered unconcerned.


Jack let out a cry of frustration "Oh my God!" He shouted. You might want to describe what he did to display his frustration.


"Why in the name of all that is holy... did you buy it?" Jack continued.


"Well it looked so sad." Mark said in defence. Mark looked a bit offended he turned his heels, .Mark said in defence, looking a bit offended as he turned to his heels,his blond hair blinding in glow of the chandelier. "I will now leave you and your criticism alone." He continued and hipety-hopped Intersting choice of verb, however I do not think it is a proper english word, and the action seems a bit too comical sounding. You might want to replace it.down the great reErm, what was that supposed to mean? golden stairs to the grand hall of the mansion.

He turned back to Jack "Oh! And Jack.!" He shouted.

"I reconreckon the elephant will be here at noon. I will be in a bussiness meeting sooDid you mean to elongate the word with an extra 'o'? could you take care for it while I'm gone?" asked Mark.


"What everNo need spacing. One word.!" Jack answered.


"Great! I'll be back in seven hours" Mark exclamained and left. The Great big door slammed shut before Jack could say "Wait you forgot your wallet, you dumb ass!"


Jack rose from his silvery seat and walked through the grand hall to the kitchen. The kitchen was full of movement, as the small servant imps walked into their shores. The imps were red and looked like the combination of a demon, dragon and a human baby. They were cooking late breakfast.


"Hello, and good morning, Sir. Godswell." Said the head servant imp Arsenganta. Jack looked down to the imp and said "My brother will not be dining with us today."


"Yes sir... Are Mr and Mrs. Raeynee still stopping by for tea?" Asked the imp


"Yes."

"And we will need a few tons of hay before noon." Jack babbled on.


"Hay, sir?" Asked the imp confused.


"My brother bought an elephant." Jack sighed.


"Oh this is one of those practical jokes... A jolly good one if I may say so Sir." The imp said


"Oh I wish it were a joke, old friend. But werewe're now unproud owner of an elephant." Jack said apologizing.


"Oh your God.... I must make haste."

"I must go and gather the hay then. Sir..." The imp gave a forced smile and ran awayIt sounds like it's trying to escape. How about 'scurried off'?.



After the very boring meeting with the Raeyneers[u]The last time you spelt their names as Raeynee, so techinically it should be 'Raeynees'?
- speaking about the Mrs's collection of shrunken heads most of the time- Suddenly, the door bell rang.

An Imp ran to open it.


"Sir! There is a troll here... with an elephant." Shouted the imp


Jack jumped up from his chair "Oh! I totally forgot the elephant!"

He ran to the door.


The troll had a delivery man's cap on and the blue outfit to match the cap the troll had a hump on its back and looked like it needed some moisturising cream.


"I 'eed ur 'ame' 'ere o' 'is ol' pape' thingie." The troll told with a heavy accent.


Jack hated trolls. Not because they were trolls but because of their stupid accent.

"Alright I will sign it." He took the paper and signed his name there


"Da things look t' b' in da right place. 'Ere is your elepha't" The troll said as he pulled the animal forward from a pair of ropes.


Jack took the elephant inside "Good day. And Good bye." Jack said and closed the door on the troll. He took the elephant to one of their various small halls and left it there.


Mark came back soon after.

"I'm home." He shouted

"Hello!" Jack answered "I signed the elephant." He continued.


Mark looked confused "What elephant?"

"The one you bought from the circus." Jack saidBe creative. Words like said could be replaced with more descriptive verbs. irritated.

"No I didn't" "No, I didn't."

"Then what about the elephant in our small hall?"

There was a short silence.. they . They looked at each other. They andran to the hall... it was empty.

A polar bear woke up somewhere in the arcticThis is a place, use uppercase. Arctic.. It turned to it's wife and said "I just had the weirdest dream..."


A very interesting story indeed.
I love all these innovative ideas.
The last sentence just shocked me.
A POLAR BEAR?!
Is there any significance in a polar bear?
Because his dream is very elaborate and weird,
And nothing to do with him at all.
The transition between the polar bear waking and finding the hall empty, was rather peculiar.
It seems correct, but something about it seems weird. This is only my opinion, of course.
But yes, I like it very much and read every single word.
Watch out for spelling and punctuation errors though.
It seems this essay is supposed to be short one.
The characters didn't develop because it was a dream,
But you still might want to describe everything a bit more. Give it more flavour.
On the whole, Good Job!
[My apologies for a poor review. I'm just an amateur and I've got to rush off. I'll leave it to the professionals for proper reviews.]
See ya!
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"




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THis was so funny dude. I couldnt stop laughing. I hope you got a 100% on it. But their was one problem I didn't understand what the troll was talking about. Maybe you should change it a little bit.
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But Heaven is blue
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The funny think about it was that it never got graded :?
To copy reality is good... But to create reality is much, much better.
-Giuseppe Verdi-




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The troll confused me!
But still funny!
To bad it didnt get graded!
Giving up doesnt always mean you are weak, sometimes it just mena youre strong enough to let go. <3




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*laughs hysterically*

That was totally a shocker! Awesome ending!
No where to run...baby let's hide. Take her in your arms on a chilling winter's night. Watch the stars twinkle and glisten. Know that you've found the one person that will listen. ~*(ME)*~



Stupidity's the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.
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