Come back

Through my thoughts,
Touching every memory.
come, come back to me,
will you, won't you?

I hear your voice,
your noise, your,
everything.
Only i wish it were true.

The look of,
The thought of,
Come back to me.
Will you, Wont you?

Please. please. please,
I'll say it once more.
Please,
Come back to me.

first of all:
"it were true." - it was true (?)

emm...i didn't really like it, but i didn't hate it neither...
i don't know, i truly don't.

i think you should give it to the One you wrote it for,
he'll understand it better than me...

wish you a nice week :]]

think you should give it to the One you wrote it for,
he'll understand it better than me...

He?

anyway i think its supposed to be were

thanks for the ... review


---Jon---

This poem is very good, it expresses the feeling of loneliness and obsession. I enjoyed it very much.. The only thing that bugged me is that in the second stanza, one of the lines was only one word.. If you would make it at least three words, then i would be completely happy.. Also, can you describe the person your talking about? It would bring out more of the feelings, and the whole meaning to the poem.. Altogether, it was very very good! I cant wait to see more of your work!!!

Thanks emma

I will look it over and try to make it better. (the whole one word and all.)

anyway, thank you.


---Jon---

P.S. -- is there anything i can crit for you? (poetry)

Very, very good. I just love how this poem flows. When you say it out loud, it just sounds good. Once again you spark my curiosity. What is the story behind this poem? You have again made me wonder, "What is going on in you head?" Perhaps you should at a note to the bottom of your works, describing the background of what is going on in your head. But, of course, tis up to you. It would just make me happy. Anyway, keep writing!

I really like it. It feels to me like some parts you can't find the words to explain it, but it's presented in a really beautiful way.

I like this poem very much! It has a good flow to it and really highlights the feeling behind it.

Favourite stanza:

Please. please. please,

I'll say it once more.

Please,

Come back to me.

A few nitpicks:

will you, won't you?

Personally I'd make this two sentences, but that might be just me

Only i wish it were true

I should be capitalised


Well thats it! Hope I've been of some help

happy-go-lucky