For all Eternity - Two

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Sorry, but this is kind of short. I probably will be lengthening it, so if you comment on that, just know that ahead of time :wink:

Happy Reading!

*lengthened :wink:*
____________________

Two

It was around midnight and Sylvia still couldn’t fall asleep. Her eyes were drooping, her limbs like lead, yet her brain was on overload, repeating again and again that hypnotizing voice she swore she had heard earlier that afternoon. She wondered if Allison would deem her insane if she told her…
Sitting up, Sylvia laughed at herself. Of course she would. It wasn’t normal people who admitted to hearing voices from people who weren’t really there. Gazing tiredly over at her computer screen, she braved the walk over to her stool. There, she clicked almost robotically onto the Internet icon. Instantly, her MSN popped up, showing that only three of her friends were on.
Including Tim.
Swallowing hard, Sylvia’s mouse hovered over this name, tracing the letters with her eyes. Does she dare? Closing her eyes, she tried to fill her head with images of Tim – of him and her together – but it was no use. Tim’s voice transformed into the velvety symphony from the Victorian. Growling with frustration, she signed out and crawled back into bed. Flicking on her television, she ending up slowly drifting off to an old episode of House.

Her feet carried her as if they had a mind of their own across stone and gravel. Her mind was blank except for one sentence repeated over and over again inside her head: Must get there. Must get there. Must get there. Something was driving her into the unknown. Ahead of her was an endless black horizon that held a speck of light that seemed to beckon to her with coy winks as the light flickered. Her body felt weightless as if she no longer was on earth and gravity was no longer a factor.
The walk seemed endless but time didn’t seem to affect her in whatever dream-like realm she resided in. She reached the speck exactly when she needed to. The light speck actually turned out to be a house filled with a candle lit on a wooden stove. She had no explanation for why the speck could be seen for miles from a mere candle, but her mind wouldn’t let her reason as the drive became madness as she frantically opened the door with fumbling fingers.
Once inside, she was able to observe the room for only a second – a chipped, recently washed wooden table with a candle melted down to a stub with a pool of wax oozing out around it; wooden cabinets that reached the ceiling throwing the room into shadow; a older stove with a metal handle and rustic fixtures – before she was guided by her own feet to the lower levels.
She sensed that the basement was cold – colder than the rest of the house – but her body didn’t shiver as it should have. Instead, it seemed to repel the chill like a warm fire ejects the wintery nights. The basement was shrouded in darkness, but strangely, she was able to see almost perfectly. The large room was full of useless and abandoned miscellaneous items long forgotten. This was where the urge became so strong that she nearly ran to the corner of the room.
Immediately upon grabbing hold of a little straw doll clearly homemade, her body gave a shake of ease, and her mind fell into silence. She had accomplished her goal. Now able to think for herself, she gazed curiously down at the straw doll. It was dressed in a simple pleated dress with little rosebud patterns. The arms and legs were oddly shaped, the head abnormally large. It was clearly the work of a young child, but by the careful stitches and freshly packed straw, it was evident that the child cherished the doll with obvious adoration.
It was then that her feet decided that it was time to go. Without even an imput from herself, she spun on one heel and exited the room with surprising grace. At the top of the stairs, she paused, and something pressed her to look upward. At that moment, she saw the shadow of a figure at the end of the hall. All that could be seen was a vague silhouette, but it was enough to freeze her to the spot. However, it wasn’t the shadow that caught her off guard… it was the antique, gold-gilded mirror hanging precariously across from her with such boldness that she stared open-mouthed.
She was in the Victorian home.

* *

“Rough night?” Sylvia’s mother broke her drowsy revere and woke her from her almost-slumber.
“Huh?” she mumbled, not having the effort to form coherent sentences.
“I said, did you have a rough night ‘cause you look close to falling right off your chair.” Her mother pointed to her elbow just as it slipped from the table; Sylvia sat up in a jolt, eyes wide before sighing.
“Yeah, I didn’t sleep very well last night, mom.”
“Bad dreams?” Her mother’s voice was full of concern. Sylvia rolled her eyes. It seemed that no matter how old she became, her mother would always connect a sleepless night with horrible dreams. This usually wasn’t the case for her, but today, her mother seemed to be right on.
“Yeah, I guess you can say that,” Sylvia mumbled, afraid that if she said more, her mother would question he further, and right at that moment, she had no desire to discuss her very strange yet fulfilling dream. Ever since receiving the doll from the basement, her heart was full; it was the same feeling she got after ever track meet when she beat the school records.
“That’s too bad, honey. I’m sorry I can’t talk more about it but I have to run. See you after school, all right?”
“Yeah, sure.” Sylvia waved her goodbye and continued to nibble on her pathetic meal of burnt toast and a partially cooked Ego waffle. It was clear that she would never be a chef.

At school, Sylvia very much resembled a zombie, eyes half-closed and dark purple moons rimming her blood-shot orbs. “Wow, you look sick,” Allison blurted upon seeing her.
“I feel like it,” Sylvia mumbled with little enthusiasm. Shoving her stuff rather violently into the locker, Allison stood erect beside her.
“What caused you to turn into the living dead?”
“No sleep,” Sylvia answered simply.
“Ah, I see. How come?”
Sylvia shrugged. “I’m not sure,” she lied swiftly, hoping that Allison wouldn’t look into her face too long or she would be caught. She had no hope that in telling Allison about the voice would help ease her mind, which was already in chaotic mayhem.
“Let’s just get to class,” Allison urged, dragging her by one arm down the hall.
* *

It was in her last hour of the day that Sylvia seemed to finally fully awaken. She was doodling aimlessly in the margin of her paper when a familiar voice drew her attention away from it. “You’d think the refs would be better going to a richer school but they were crap!”
Her eyes lifted instinctively to land on a very toned backside. Peering closer, she noted the same floppy hair and large ears of her school’s running back, Tim McGregor. He was frowning grimly, and she remembered the news about her team loosing against Harriet High last night.
“You got that right,” linebacker, Josh Green, intoned with a scowl.
How had she not realized that he was in her class? Had he already noticed her? Had he already tried to say hi? She ranked her memory but found nothing to indicate that he even knew she existed. Half of her felt relief at this. Their relationship was better left in the past.
But another part of her felt a tightness of shame at having ended it so badly that he doesn’t even risk looking in her general direction.
Sighing, louder than she had meant to, she returned to her doodle. However, Tim’s eyes darted towards her and their eyes met. She was struck again by those gray-blue eyes that seemed to hold her like no others did. She always fathomed his ability to grab people’s attention by the mere glance by his eyes.
“Sylvia?” he mumbled, disbelief written all across his face. Now she knew that no, he had not noticed her before this.
Quickly looking back down to her paper, she willed the teacher to start her lecture. But it was to no avail. The desk beside her was moved, and soon she was gazing upon Tim’s white Nike’s.
“Sylvia Hunt?” he said again, louder this time and with a smile coating his words. She dared to look up and met that dazzling smile, big ears peeking out from behind his floppy brown hair. He wasn’t what you would call “hot” but attractive enough to catch her attention.
“Tim McGregor? Wow, it’s been to long,” she enthused with a wobbly smile. She wasn’t sure she was ready for this. It had only been last year that this had happened. Time had yet to heal the wounds he had left.
“You can say that again.” He flashed her another smile. “Go to the game last night?”
“No, missed it. Had a lot of homework,” she lied swiftly.
Tim frowned. “But it’s only the second day of school.”
“I-I, ah, my teacher’s seem to be laying it on thick this year,” Sylvia rattled off, not meeting his eyes.
He laughed. “Yeah, I guess.” Their eyes met again, and he smiled warmly. “You’re so different.”
“Me? How am I different?” This caught her off guard. How was she different? Did she look any different? Act any differently? Sylvia was thoroughly confused.
“Just…how you come off so much more confidently than you used to. Also, you look older, wiser.”
Sylvia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, one summer can sure make a world of difference.”
Tim frowned. “I’m serious.”
“I know you are. It’s just hard to think that I have changed,” she hurried to say, not liking how quickly his mood changed; knowing that a fight was not far off.
The teacher entered then, cutting their conversation short. “I’ll talk to you later, Sylvia,” he mumbled, smile cleanly washed from his face.
“Yeah, bye,” she mumbled, her esteem dropping.
How quickly one thing spoken could change everything…
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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YWS Writers:

Okay, I know it's bad to nudge your own story and I am ashamed but :oops: I really need reviews on this! :? I would like to continue but I need advise before I continue.

So please, if anyone is interested, feel free to comment!

Thanks! :D
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Hey Ash,

Wow, I can't believe no one reviewed this. Before I get on with the review, I must say that this is a great story (if I already haven't said it before)

Well there were a couple of things I did catch:

There, she clicked almost robotically onto the Internet icon.


'robotically' is not a word so I'd suggest rewording the sentence: When she got there, Sylvia automatically clicked on the Internet icon.) I'm sure you can come up with something better.

Instead, it seemed to repel the chill like a warm fire ejects the wintery nights.


'wintery' should be wintry
“Rough night?” Sylvia’s mother broke her drowsy revere and woke her from her almost-slumber.

The word 'her' was repeated too many times. Reword, please. And 'drowsy revere' and 'almost-slumber' seem to be related context wise. Perhaps, you can get rid of one.
Code
 her mother would question he further


It should be question 'her' further

That was all I found. The conversation between Sylvia and Tim was very believable. Everything about this was story was so eased and relaxed. There's no theatricals or extra calories or even heavy make-up to make this beautiful, it just is.

Thanks for the great read, and I really really hope you continue this. PM if and when you decide to post Chapter 3.

~Angel
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




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Ashley-
First off...Happy thanksgiving!! Now to the point...

I can't remember, but is Tim from the prologue? Wow, I'm liking Tim's velvety voice. Sounds dreamy and yet, sexy too.

Man, Ash. Your descriptions are getting better and better by the moment. I just loved how you pictured what the Victorian home would look like in the reader's mind.

Well, not much I can say about this chapter. Post more soon...please.

-Merry
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<



It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
— Mark Twain