The Sword of the Night

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The Sword of the Night


...The Night Savior has appeared four nights in a row, and shows no signs of stopping. When will we find out the identity of this fantastic being? For four nights in a row, this man has saved countless lives, protecting our good city, and making sure our streets are safe at night. We can only hope that someday, this brave man will step forward...

Mr. Lee placed the latest article of the Racauffe Time down and looked up at his most respected employee.

“William,” he spoke gently. “This is bloody brilliant!”

William let out a relieved sigh, mentally wiping the imaginary sweat from his forehead. He didn't know what he would have done if his boss had told him his writing was just another 'bloody piece of garbage'. He had to eat this month!

“My boy, you really outdone yourself this time.”
“Do you really think so, sir?,” William asked as he sat down in the chair across from Mr. Lee's desk.
“Of course, lad. It's fantastic. I'm proud of you.”

They shared a small, knowing smile. The pay would be pouring in this week! Mr. Lee reached his hand over the desk, and William gave his, shaking it wholeheartedly.

“Good job, William.”
“Thank you, sir.”

Mr. Lee took his hand back, then clapped them together, rubbing them in an almost greedy fashion.

“Now, all we have to do is get some pictures of this fellow, and we'll be on our way.”

William's smile disappeared as his boss spoke. No food this month.

“But, sir, nobody has ever taken pictures of The Night Savior.”

His mood changing in a heartbeat, Mr. Lee stood, looming above William in a very ineffective way of intimidating him.

“Well, that all changes tonight! You will get a picture of that fellow, and it will be in the Racauffe Time! Do you understand me?”
“Yes, sir, right away sir,” he spoke lamely. Anything to get his fat trap to shut.

William coolly got up from his chair and headed out the door. How was he going to get a photo of this guy? Pull it out of his ass? There's a better chance of that happening then me actually getting a picture.

Sighing, Mr. Lee sat himself down and rubbed his hands over his face.

“Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with that boy.”

William headed out of the Racauffe Time's literary office, tired of the whole setting and idea already. Mindlessly, he walked past desk after desk, staring off into space. How was he going to do what no other could do before? Was he special in some way? He clenched his fists tightly, ignoring all who even tried to speak to him. Casey, from editing, Gar from the cubicle next to him. No, he had bigger problems and couldn't afford to hear Gar complaining about how his seventh tentacle got caught in the shower drain...again. He rolled his eyes at the thought and collected his things; a business jacket and his briefcase full of papers on The Night Savior. Why couldn't life just be easier?

“Good night, Gar.”
“What? Oh, yes, good night, William,” he was caught off guard, since he thought he was the only one talking for the past ten minutes or so.

Completely zoning out as Gar began speaking again, William began walking away. What was the point of sticking around? He had work to do that he'd probably never be able to finish. That's that. Now to get my camera and get ready for a long, depressing night. Hooray.


No, this is not a 'Superhero' story, so don't be turned off by the serious cliche that is being thrown around here. (Spider-man) :3
Last edited by Fire Bad, Tree Pretty on Tue Oct 21, 2008 10:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Heyyy I believe I met you in the welcome forum :) and Now I am here to review your work, so here it goes :D :

rubbing them in an, almost greedy fashion.

-On the udnerlined part, im not sure if the comma is needed there, read it out loud, it dosen't sound quite right.

William, coolly got up from his chair and headed out the door

-Again on the underlined part, I'm not sure if the comma is needed.


You have noticed the similarities between this and Spiderman so already you have a little problem. If you as the author feel this is already mimmicking something what do you think that your readers will feel? Try and change this so it isnt a spiderman copy ;) Add something unique to you, make it stand out, even if there has to be similarities you have to make the reader think, well this IS better than Spiderman, if you get me?

PM me if you have any questions.

Meevs
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Thank you for your critique, Meevs. I will fix the story right away. :3

What I meant when I said it was like Spider-man, was the whole reporter trying to capture the hero on film, kinda thing. Nothing else would jump out at you so you'd say "Hey! That's like Batman!" or "That's what happened in Iron Man!" Nothing else is like anything else in the story. Only the reporter thing will be slightly the same. =D
Need more friends with wings...



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