Jail Bird Ch2-leason to learn>trial

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“Sam. About your cell…” Brown was having a hard time figuring out how to explain the circumstances.
“What? Isn’t it seventy-two?” She asked. She looked at every door in turn. Seventy. Seventy-one. Seventy-two. “Open it up, Mr. Brown. Don’t you remember the procedures?”
Mr. Brown shock his head with dismay and finally nodded his head. Unlocking the door he cursed himself for not warning her. The door came open and Sam stepped in.
Something caught her attention and she whipped her head to the side as a boy scrambled up to stand. Her jaw fell slack as she registered why he might be here, finely dressed.
The boy was the first to recover. “You’re Sam?” He asked in astonishment. He watched her eyes refocused and then came her reply.
“Who else would I be? Brown!” She turned to the officer that held confusion and dread. The door shut in her face.
“I’m sorry, Sam. The orders were for him to stay in your cell. We have no other cells open. He must stay here.”
The dread that had been in her dissipated. She had assumed her family had found her and had indeed married her off. “Isn’t this breaking the rules, Officer?!” She called through the bars as he rushed away. “Surely a boy can not share the same prison cell as a girl!”
“You lucky dog!” James turned red at the call.
Sam gave a huff and turned back around. Her things had been scattered about. No less the boy had been going through her things! She sighed and walked towards the boy.
He froze. What was she going to do? She came to stand before him an bent down. His eyes followed her and found she was tugging on one of her things. He took a step back and she pulled it up. It was a yellow dress. It seamed as though it would accommodate her well if she were to wear it. Maybe she already had?
James watched as she moved about, picking up her things and to one side of the room. Away from him. He sat against the wall and watched her.
***
She looked over at the boy. His eyes rested on her no longer. He had fallen asleep, making his way to the cold concrete floor. She gave a short smile. To think of it now. The boy didn’t look like a boy now. Almost older. He was at least older than Tom.
She gave a sigh and pulled herself to her feet, grabbing a blanket from her stack of things. She draped it over him and bent over his sleeping form. “Good-night, James.”
Yes. She did know exactly who this was. He looked different from when he had been younger. He’d grown up quite well.
***
“Wake up boy!” James was startled awake when a wooden spoon began being pounded on the metal door. He sat up groggily. “Good. You’re up. Breakfast.” He moved closer to the metal door to find scents of an okay breakfast but a breakfast non the less. “Officer Brown will come to get you in thirty minutes. Though you don’t know how to tell time in a windowless room we do. Eat fast.” The man seamed to have continued down the hall.
James glanced around and in the morning light that broke into the room from the bared window on the door was not enough to tell how big the room was but it was enough to tell that the girl, Sam was gone. “Eh! Excuse me, Sir!” He called jumping to his feet and sticking his head to the bars. “Where might the girl be?”
“Attending her trial. She’ll probable get a month’s sentence,” The man called back.
“Thank you.” With that James fell back to his seat on the floor and began eating his food once more. He sifted through his thoughts too.
He had been told he was going to be taught a lesson. What was the lesson to teach? He had not understood what he had done when he woke in the palace dungeon. He hadn’t stayed in the dungeon for long and had soon been transported to this place. It was better than the dungeon to say the least. The people here were kind to the girl, Sam. She seamed as though she was given attention by the in-mates but seaming so she had no desire to even go near their metal doors. She ignore them. Smart girl. Doing so would keep her out of trouble. The kind of trouble he had some how gotten himself into.
“Boy. You finished in there?” The man did not wait for a reply once more as he opened the door. “Good. You are. Today you start your work. Do you have anything to work in?” Mr. Brown asked him. James shock his head.
“No. I do not, Sir.”
“Come with me then.” Brown led him farther away from the entrance, down the hall. “In there get a shirt and pair of pants. Change. Then meet me here. Go.” James scurried off. Mr. Brown shock his head. The boy did anything. He didn’t seam like royalty. Unless they had taught him to respect their elders…
“Sir…” James stepped back out of the room. Both the shirt and the pants were a bit big. The Officer stepped up to him and pulled the stings on his pants.
“The shirt will be fine. You’ll loss it eventually anyways.” Brown led him out a door and into the sunlight of a work yard.
***
“Three months…” Sam laughed. “Serves me right.” She shock her head as she walked back into the gated work yard. The quart house was behind the prison, just past the work yard. She spotted only one worker and at first she didn’t recognize him with out his original clothes that he had worn the day before. He wore no shirt and sweat glistened on his chest. She saw Mr. Brown and all heat from yesterday towards him had dissipated and she waved at him.
Brown nodded and James saw it. He turned and- The yellow dress! His eyes locked onto the sight of Sam in the yellow dress. It did compliment her. She almost looked like she was out of a story book. The one where the witch could manipulate you into thinking you saw some gorgeous woman when indeed it was just an old hag that would blind you if you saw her true form but no. This was no fairy tail, but real. She was there. She was beautiful. She didn’t seam to notice though.
“Mr. Brown. Please take me to my cell,” She called across the way. She could see James looking but didn’t say anything. Brown nodded.
“Come on boy. You’re done for the day,” The officer told James. He put the bag on the pile he had been making and followed Brown who followed Sam in turn.
She knew where they were going and every turn she took they took. When they came to the room James had dressed in Sam went in and Brown stopped. James didn’t know what to do. “Get in here, Boy,” He heard Sam call. He did as he was told and went in. She was dressed but she would probable not be for long. She probable wouldn’t sleep in that or go to the lunch meal that they served out in the common room today. “Here are some clothes. If you go to lunch today in what you slept in last night you’ll be beat. Much like if I wear this.” She gestured to her dress. “I’ll probable receive a few straying hands.” James took the stack of clothes she held out to him. “You change here and I’ll be behind here.” She pointed to a bed sheet draped over a string. A curtain. James smiled.
“As you wish.” She retreated to the curtain and began her undressing as did he.
***
“Finished?” She asked through the curtains. She heard a grunt and figured it to be a yes. When she pulled the curtain aside she gasped and pulled it back. He hadn’t pulled up his pants yet. Good thing he had been facing away from her. “I’m so sorry!” She squeaked as she fell to her butt. She sat there with her hands over her mouth.
The curtain came away and James kneeled behind her, dressed. “It’s okay. Do you wish for help with your hair?” He asked. She nodded mutely, never turning. He pulled her hair back, divided it into three sections, braiding her hair.
“How do you know how to braid?” Sam asked almost confused.
“I was close to my mother once. She would have me in her room when she did her hair. Nimble fingers worked her hair into masterpieces before my eyes. You may not remember her. She was Princess Gwen of Eastwood.” James finished and dropped his hands from her hair.
“I do remember her. She didn’t get married to a very high official but she didn’t mind. She had fallen in love is what I heard.” Sam turned. James stared at her with suspicion. “I um…”
We've all been broken in some way. It's just how we express it that makes us dffrent form eachother.

“This precious book of love, this unbound lover,
To beautify him only lacks a cover.”
~William Shakespeare, The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet




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Do I even get one review? :( :?
We've all been broken in some way. It's just how we express it that makes us dffrent form eachother.

“This precious book of love, this unbound lover,
To beautify him only lacks a cover.”
~William Shakespeare, The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet




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Gender Male
Points 1117
Reviews 80
You've written better, but other than my quotation comment I left on chapter one, I don't see any *real* mistakes. If you yourself don't want to continue it, then don't. I mean, I wouldn't rely just on people's reviews. If this is something you're passionate about, just keep writing and people will find it in their own time. Or you can take it as some people might not find it intriguing, so they don't leave comments. It's whatever you feel best doing. =]




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myfreindsavamp wrote:“Sam. About your cell…” Brown was having a hard time figuring out how to explain the circumstances.
“What? Isn’t it seventy-two?” [s]She[/s] lowercase "s" on "she" asked. She looked at every door in turn. Seventy. Seventy-one. Seventy-two. “Open it up, Mr. Brown. Don’t you remember the procedures?”
Mr. Brown shock his head with dismay and finally nodded his head. Unlocking the door he cursed himself for not warning her. The door came open and Sam stepped in.
Something caught her attention and she whipped her head to the side as a boy scrambled up to stand. Her jaw fell slack as she registered why he might be here, finely dressed.
The boy was the first to recover. “You’re Sam?” [s]He[/s] he asked in astonishment. He watched her eyes [s]refocused[/s] refocus and then came her reply.
“Who else would I be? Brown!” She turned to the officer that held confusion and dread. The door shut in her face.
“I’m sorry, Sam. The orders were for him to stay in your cell. We have no other cells open. He must stay here.”
The dread that had been in her dissipated. She had assumed her family had found her and had indeed married her off. “Isn’t this breaking the rules, Officer?! Don't use both "?!" It looks odd. I suggest only the use of one :wink:” [s]She[/s] she called through the bars as he rushed away. “Surely a boy can not share the same prison cell as a girl!”
“You lucky dog!” James turned red at the call.
Sam gave a huff and turned back around. Her things had been scattered about. No less the boy had been going through her things! She sighed and walked towards the boy.
He froze. What was she going to do? She came to stand before him [s]an[/s] and bent down. His eyes followed her and found she was tugging on one of her things. He took a step back and she pulled it up. It was a yellow dress. It seamed as though it would accommodate her well if she were to wear it. Maybe she already had?
James watched as she moved about, picking up her things and to one side of the room. Away from him. He sat against the wall and watched her. All right, you do do a lot of telling. You need to describe things. What does James look like in Sam's eyes? And what does Sam look like in James' eyes? You have to give the reader more than you are.
***
She looked over at the boy. His eyes rested on her no longer. He had fallen asleep, making his way to the cold concrete floor. She gave a short smile. To think of it now. The boy didn’t look like a boy now. Almost older. He was at least older than Tom.
She gave a sigh and pulled herself to her feet, grabbing a blanket from her stack of things. She draped it over him and bent over his sleeping form. “Good-night, James.”
Yes. She did know exactly who this was. He looked different from when he had been younger. He’d grown up quite well.
***
“Wake up boy!” James was startled awake when a wooden spoon began being pounded on the metal door. He sat up groggily. “Good. You’re up. Breakfast.” He moved closer to the metal door to find scents of an okay breakfast but a breakfast [s]non[/s] none the less. “Officer Brown will come to get you in thirty minutes. Though you don’t know how to tell time in a windowless room we do. Eat fast.” The man seamed to have continued down the hall.
James glanced around and in the morning light that broke into the room from the bared window on the door was not enough to tell how big the room was but it was enough to tell that the girl, Sam was gone. “Eh! Excuse me, Sir!” [s]He[/s] he called jumping to his feet and sticking his head to the bars. “Where might the girl be?”
“Attending her trial. She’ll probable get a month’s sentence,” [s]The[/s] the man called back.
“Thank you.” With that James fell back to his seat on the floor and began eating his food once more. He sifted through his thoughts too.
He had been told he was going to be taught a lesson. What was the lesson to teach? He had not understood what he had done when he woke in the palace dungeon. He hadn’t stayed in the dungeon for long and had soon been transported to this place. It was better than the dungeon to say the least. The people here were kind to the girl, Sam. She seamed as though she was given attention by the in-mates but seaming so she had no desire to even go near their metal doors. She [s]ignore[/s] ignored them. Smart girl. Doing so would keep her out of trouble. The kind of trouble he had some how gotten himself into.
“Boy. You finished in there?” The man did not wait for a reply once more as he opened the door. “Good. You are. Today you start your work. Do you have anything to work in?” Mr. Brown asked him. James shock his head.
“No. I do not, Sir.”
“Come with me then.” Brown led him farther away from the entrance, down the hall. “In there get a shirt and pair of pants. Change. Then meet me here. Go.” James scurried off. Mr. Brown [s]shock[/s] shook his head. The boy did anything. He didn’t seam like royalty. Unless they had taught him to respect their elders…
“Sir…” James stepped back out of the room. Both the shirt and the pants were a bit big. The Officer stepped up to him and pulled the stings on his pants.
“The shirt will be fine. You’ll [s]loss[/s] loose it eventually anyways.” Brown led him out a door and into the sunlight of a work yard.
***
“Three months…” Sam laughed. “Serves me right.” She [s]shock[/s] shook her head as she walked back into the gated work yard. The quart house was behind the prison, just past the work yard. She spotted only one worker and at first she didn’t recognize him with out his original clothes that he had worn the day before. He wore no shirt and sweat glistened on his chest. She saw Mr. Brown and all heat from yesterday towards him had dissipated and she waved at him.
Brown nodded and James saw it. He turned and- The yellow dress! His eyes locked onto the sight of Sam in the yellow dress. It did compliment her. She almost looked like she was out of a story book. The one where the witch could manipulate you into thinking you saw some gorgeous woman when indeed it was just an old hag that would blind you if you saw her true form but no. This was no fairy tail, but real. She was there. She was beautiful. She didn’t seam to notice though.
“Mr. Brown. Please take me to my cell,” [s]She[/s] she called across the way. She could see James looking but didn’t say anything. Brown nodded.
“Come on boy. You’re done for the day,” [s]The[/s] the officer told James. He put the bag on the pile he had been making and followed Brown who followed Sam in turn.
She knew where they were going and every turn she took they took. When they came to the room James had dressed in Sam went in and Brown stopped. James didn’t know what to do. “Get in here, Boy,” He heard Sam call. He did as he was told and went in. She was dressed but she would probable not be for long. She probable wouldn’t sleep in that or go to the lunch meal that they served out in the common room today. “Here are some clothes. If you go to lunch today in what you slept in last night you’ll be beat. Much like if I wear this.” She gestured to her dress. “I’ll probable receive a few straying hands.” James took the stack of clothes she held out to him. “You change here and I’ll be behind here.” She pointed to a bed sheet draped over a string. A curtain. James smiled.
“As you wish.” She retreated to the curtain and began her undressing as did he.
***
“Finished?” [s]She[/s] she asked through the curtains. She heard a grunt and figured it to be a yes. When she pulled the curtain aside she gasped and pulled it back. He hadn’t pulled up his pants yet. Good thing he had been facing away from her. “I’m so sorry!” [s]She[/s] she squeaked as she fell to her butt. She sat there with her hands over her mouth. So Sam isn't as tough as she appears to be... I would describe her thoughts at this moment. Throughout the story, I never really know what is going through her mind.
The curtain came away and James kneeled behind her, dressed. “It’s okay. Do you wish for help with your hair?” [s]He[/s] he asked. She nodded mutely, never turning. He pulled her hair back, divided it into three sections, braiding her hair.
“How do you know how to braid?” Sam asked almost confused.
“I was close to my mother once. She would have me in her room when she did her hair. Nimble fingers worked her hair into masterpieces before my eyes. You may not remember her. She was Princess Gwen of Eastwood.” James finished and dropped his hands from her hair.
“I do remember her. She didn’t get married to a very high official but she didn’t mind. She had fallen in love is what I heard.” Sam turned. James stared at her with suspicion. “I um…” Odd ending. Try to end at a better place.


All right, I think you have a good start so far, but I really don't know what your characters are thinking or what they think of each other. Need to describe everything more.

Also, dialogue, really need to watch that.

Otherwise, hopefully this helped :wink:
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach



maybe the backs are the stories we made along the way
— soundofmind