Angry.

I kick stones as I walk,
I choke when I talk,
If it didn't hurt ,would punch the wall.
I yell out obscenities,
I tell you, 'am full of angst,
If it wasn't a shame, would cry out loud.


I bite my nails anxiously,
I shake my fists frantically,
If it wasn't insane, would rip my hair out.
I bet my eyes are red,
I hate my eyes for tearing,
If it wasn't impossible, would keep them dry.


I wash my face, my red eyes,
I breath in and out, in and out,
If it wasn't stretching it, would even smile.
I wont stay anguished long,
I wont give you that joy,
If I can help it , will never let you anger me again.

Why?

I don't fully see the purpose of this piece. I understand the angst and anger and all that, but surely there are more artful ways to put it, maybe some metaphor.

Its well written and it conveys its point honestly but thats about all i can say about it.

Hmmm..Angry Eh? I'm sorry, but this poem seems just a tad bit cliche.. You start almost every line with "I" and even though you say different things each line, you mean the same thing, so its quite monotonous.. You need to tell a story.. This is narrative poetry section.. This should be in dramatic poetry..I am so sorry for being harsh.. I am normally not like this, and this poem has great potential.. just needs a little editing.. Hope I helped..



Pm me if you revise it.. I would love to hear from you


*Emily*

I kick stones as I walk,
I choke when I talk, <I love this first two lines; to-the-point and cute>
If it didn't hurt ,would punch the wall. <I don't like that you left off the 'I'>
I yell out obscenities, <Just 'ok'>
I tell you, 'am full of angst, <I>
If it wasn't a shame, would cry out loud. <I>

<Solid start>

I bite my nails anxiously, <Not very creative>
I shake my fists frantically, <Overcooked>
If it wasn't insane, would rip my hair out. <I>
I bet my eyes are red, <Drugs? Slightly confusing ...>
I hate my eyes for tearing, <Just 'ok'>
If it wasn't impossible, would keep them dry. <I>

<This was just okay>

I wash my face, my red eyes, <Not very creative>
I breath in and out, in and out, <OK ...>
If it wasn't stretching it, would even smile. <I>
I wont stay anguished long, <...>
I wont give you that joy, <...>
If I can help it , will never let you anger me again. <I>

<Alright? It's over?>

I must disagree with the others ... I don't think it's too cliche. You could have "emo'd" it up even more ... But, you withheld and I applaud you for that! However, it does need some work. It was quite boring. And the ending was just there ... I got very little from the poem. Try editing. It could turn into something much better!

Adrian

I kick stones as I walk,

I choke when I talk,

If it didn't hurt ,would punch the wall.

I yell out obscenities,

I tell you, 'am full of angst,

If it wasn't a shame, would cry out loud.

I know how it feels to be in that position.Because I felt that way too. Alot of times.

I bite my nails anxiously,

I shake my fists frantically,

If it wasn't insane, would rip my hair out.

I bet my eyes are red,

I hate my eyes for tearing,

If it wasn't impossible, would keep them dry.

I do that all the time. It's not that fun or easy to handle but I live somehow.

i agree with most of the other posters. you're not really saying much besides that you're angry. it's not very artful for a poem, but i understand where it comes from. once again, this is an example of cathartic poetry. keep writing.
-zalarus

thank you guys for the criticism will do some work on it.

I think what you need to do is tell a story. Why are you angry?
instead of just listing what your doing when your angry, describe the senorio, the situation. Catch my drift?