She is my grandma the sweet

Gender

Points 2926

Reviews 122

Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:43 pm

lordgluzman says... · Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:43 pm

This poem is written to a woman
She is a really lovely human
She is my grandma the sweet
The person that never gives me the negative heat

She makes me happy
Not once did my grandmother made me feel sappy
Her cooking makes your stomach whopping for more
What can you say? she is my grandma
A person you can talk to about how you feel
It's the pain she can heal

When ever I am sad
She is there to give me a hug
She is pretty and fancy like a lady bug
So happy birthday
Happy birthday my majestic grandma

Last edited by lordgluzman on Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:03 am, edited 3 times in total.

Blood is red
But Heaven is blue
The Devil will fined out
And take you

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Searria H.

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Points 3414

Reviews 247

Sun Oct 19, 2008 2:38 am

Searria H. says... · Sun Oct 19, 2008 2:38 am

AWW. This was sweet.

I thought your ryhming felt a little forced. I would almost have liked this poem more if it didn't rhyme.

It was also in a very strange format. The stanzas where all over the page. Looked cool though.

What can you say she is my grandma

What can you say? She is my grandma

She is their to give me a hug

"there"

The lady bug analogy seemed a little out of place, but I liked it.

Very nice poem. Has your grandmother read it?

-Sea-

'Let's eat Grandma!' or, 'Let's eat, Grandma!' Punctuation saves lives.

Reviews? You know you want one.

*Ribbit*

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beyond the mask

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 15

Mon Oct 20, 2008 3:33 pm

beyond the mask says... · Mon Oct 20, 2008 3:33 pm

O_O
it's sooooooooooooo cute ^_^
(although it seems a little bit unfinushed, but it's ok)

well, happy birthday to your granny

and i wish to you a great week :]

Qui vivra, verra...

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Shine

Gender

Points 1125

Reviews 368

Thu Oct 23, 2008 5:01 am

Shine says... · Thu Oct 23, 2008 5:01 am

Thats a sweet poem.You need to put some puntuations thats the only thing which it lacks.

You could have extended the poem more I felt.
But never mind it was small and sweet.

This poem is written to a woman
She is a really lovely human
She is my grandma the sweet
The person that never gives me the negative heat

In this stanza the negative heat part doesn't really go well,I wish you could just put something else in there.

Keep writing and posting.........

"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.

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