Random Prologue?

I thought of a plot for a sort of sci-fi/fantasy fiction story. Sadly, I'm really not sure of a good way to start it. So one day as I pondered of ways that I could begin it, I started writing prologues, hoping that I could use one. I've only made one complete one and the other is about a half so... yeah. Please go on and read then tell me what you think!

Is it any good?

- kittykat

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Hello, dear readers.

Please forgive me for the absence of your name, I did try to find it, but soon after men in blue and black suits with shiny, gold badges stopped me. Told me I was a “stalker.” Whatever that is… and just to let you know I’m making the little quote fingers. It’s where you take both your hands and the first two fingers then bend them when you get to a specific word or sentence, for those of you who do not know. Anyway, that’s beside the point.

I’ve come today with a quill—No! I’ve promised I wouldn’t lie. I have come with a pen and a bottle of whiteout, or liquid paper I’ve heard it’s called in some cases. I don’t see why they made up that name since it’s not really liquefied paper. It’s much like the name Cross Country and how you run a mile or so then go back to your bus and drive home, so technically you’re not going across the country. It is very misleading and I'm on the edge of sending a complaint letter.

Now, before I go on to let you let your fingers let themselves turn the page to therefore let your eyes begin reading I must ask you a favor—if you’ll let me. It’s a short, small favor. Nothing much if you really put it into perspective against some of the other things your acquaintances have asked you for. …You know what I’m talking about—because, truthfully, I don’t.

GAH! Um, well… I’m sorry for my sudden outburst. I just found my new puppy chewing on one of my shoes. Wait, “sudden outburst” sounds too formal. Let me change that… Where’d my whiteout go? Did I leave it on the shelf? Why am I writing my thoughts on this paper? Oh well, too late fix it. Blasted liquid paper. What a douche…

Okay, well, I really must be finis ing up. I’m afraid that I’m ru ning out o ink in th s pen. I’ve had it fo at lea t a year o so.. mayb les . ut if I do ’t f nish it ple se don’t h sita e to go o to the ext pag




AH HA! I have found a new pen! Hey, wait… wasn’t I going to ask something?

Lol! This was a good piece, and very humorous. I don't think there's too much to crit; I was about to talk about spelling but then I realized you were talking about no ink.

Overall, I like it, but the plot is undefinable, which very well may be the point. If so, ignore what I'm about to say.

Well, I would recommend lengthening it just a little bit more, maybe a paragraph and a half. In it I would hint at the plot but not quite tell what it'll be, you know what I mean? Just little clues here and there.

Also, I would spend less time explaining what you are doing and such. Leave those parts in, but shorten them to a sentence or two each.

Other than that' there's not much to say:D! Great job!

0(o.o)0

Hey Kitty. Sorry to be harsh here but I really didn't like this, I found it pointless and annoying. It's not really a prologue, it dosen't give us background onto anything, the charcter we are introduced to is just as clueless as the reader - so what's the point of even having this prologue?

Hello, dear readers.

Please forgive me for the absence of your name, I did try to find it,

-OK, I liked the opening here, but from then on it all seemed a bit rambling and pointless, let me continue...

Now, before I go on to let you let your fingers let themselves turn the page to therefore let your eyes begin reading I must ask you a favor

- Let let let let let! I know repetition works sometimes but here I found it really annoying and difficult to read, when I first read it I had to read it again just to make sense of the sentence.

Nothing much if you really put it into perspective against some of the other things your acquaintances have asked you for. …You know what I’m talking about—because, truthfully, I don’t.

-What are we supposed to know? This sentence is pointless and pretty much sums up what I said earlier about how the narrator is useless. This isn't giving us ANY information on what the story is going to be about.

AH HA! I have found a new pen! Hey, wait… wasn’t I going to ask something?

-Capital letters can be very distracting, and bring away from the work.

I think that you could have made this work, but your narrator seems very immature, and it just didnt do it for me. Im not even sure of what genre this is supposed to be, a prologue is supposed to give us some background information, a little clue about what the story is going to be about. Maybe you could indicate that maybe he/she knows a little about what they are talking about?

Sorry but this really didnt do it for me.

Meevs

My narrator is supposed to act like that. He/she (haven't really decided yet, doesn't really matter, right?) is supposed to be random and practically clueless about things. This is just to start off the story with something funny, or annoying in your case, to make the reader wonder what in the world the story could be about since the prologue is so... strange? Or clueless?

And even if it doesn't, it was fun to write. I wrote it the way I did for the narrator's sake so that their personality could show, not to tell about the story. Thanks for the reviews, Meevs, summer.

^_^ - kittykat

Hey!

While I must agree with miyaviloves' comment on how the narrator is a little immature and the piece somewhat pointless at the moment, I did find this funny. It sort of reminded me of Lemony Snicket's writing style.

I’ve come today with a quill—No! I’ve promised I wouldn’t lie. I have come with a pen and a bottle of whiteout, or liquid paper I’ve heard it’s called in some cases. I don’t see why they made up that name since it’s not really liquefied paper. It’s much like the name Cross Country and how you run a mile or so then go back to your bus and drive home, so technically you’re not going across the country. It is very misleading and I'm on the edge of sending a complaint letter.

The "complaint letter" thing made me laugh. You might want to try shortening the ramblings, though. I'm easily distracted enough as it is - your narrator isn't helping me much. (And in case you're wondering, cross country is about three miles. Trust me, it's quite painful.)

Okay, well, I really must be finis ing up. I’m afraid that I’m ru ning out o ink in th s pen. I’ve had it fo at lea t a year o so.. mayb les . ut if I do ’t f nish it ple se don’t h sita e to go o to the ext pag

This was my favorite part by far.

I think this has a lot of potential. Let me know if you do anything with it.

~Evenstar

From what I can gather your character has problems and because it is a letter and not direct prose there is no point commenting on grammar and stuff. I love the character devleopment and am glad your piece is a little different from some of the others on here! Kudos for that! I would love to hear more about who your character has been stalking and why...nice touch with the pen at the end!

Thanks a lot for those evenstar and olivia! I'm going to try to start the story, now that I've figured out a way that seems... fairly interesting, maybe. Or a good enough anyway. When I post the first chapter I'll be sure to PM all who wanted it. Thanks again!

^_^ - kittykat

Ooh... I got three stars?