For all Eternity - One

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Okay, just be warned, this is a working progress and something I haven't really tried before so be free to be as harsh as you like :wink:

Happy Reading! :D

_______________________

One

September 4, 2005
Two years earlier…

In the town of Bridgewood, Sylvia Hunt was drifting along the sidewalk, her thoughts lying miles away in Miami, Florida where her father resided. She had just returned from a week long visit with him and it had left her feeling extremely confused. Since her parents had divorced almost four years previous, her father had never been one to go out of his way for her. She had gotten used to that, learned to live with it, accepted his few gifts with added enthusiasm, and cherished them until the next one arrived.
Now, however, he seemed to be changing his ways. All last week, he had showered her with love and affection, getting her everything her heart desired from a new pair of shoes, to a Wii. But being back in the small town suburbia of Bridgewood, she suddenly felt disconnected from him. It was like all last week had been a wonderful, yet strange dream. Now, with her backpack slung over her shoulders, she was off to school for the first day of Freshmen year.
“Sylvia!” She craned her head upward to see her friend, Allison, running towards her, new school clothes wrinkling in the wild wind. “I didn’t know you were back!”
“Yeah, mom made me come back before school started.”
Allison nodded in understanding as she fell into step with her. “So, how was it?”
Sylvia shrugged. “Different. He actually seemed to care.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“I’m not so sure…now that I’m back, it feels like it was all just a joke, you know?”
Allison sighed. “Don’t let it get to you. If he wanted to buy you the world, let him. But don’t let him take over your life, waiting by the phone for him to call. Take my word for it.”
Sylvia frowned. Allison had been in her same position for far longer than she had. Her parents never were even married when they had Allison and her father had ditched long before she was two. Ever since then, she had been receiving crazy and expensive gifts for every birthday and holiday, including St. Patrick’s Day. Her father thought he could buy her love.
And now Sylvia feared that that was what was happening to her now.
“Please, don’t be like this.” Allison jabbed her friend in the ribs. “Lighten up. We are official Freshmen, High Schoolers! No more Middle School for us!”
Sylvia had to laugh at this. “Can you really believe it? I feel like only yesterday we were five-years-old going to kindergarten.”
“Yeah, you sound like my mom. She said the same thing this morning,” Allison murmured.
“Did she take pictures again?”
Allison scowled. “What do you think?”
Sylvia laughed. “Do you think she will ever stop that tradition?”
“Not until I graduate from college.”
Sylvia grimaced at the thought. “At least you’ll have the memories of each year of your life through your first day of school photos.”
Allison rolled her eyes. “Let’s just get to school, okay?”
“Yeah,” Sylvia managed through her giggles, “Let’s go.”

* *

It was a long day, filled with hectic Freshmen running around struggling to locate their classes, and teasing Upperclassmen finding all this hysteria hilarious. Sylvia was actually glad when the last bell rung, releasing her from her stuffy Algebra classroom. Quickly gathering her books, she exited the school, breathing in the crisp Autumn air with relish.
“Free at last,” Allison exclaimed, appearing out of nowhere.
Sylvia jumped. “God, give me a heart attack, will you.”
Allison snorted and rolled her eyes. “Drama Queen.” Sylvia decided not to respond to this whispered comment; she just twisted her head back to watch as the cotton-ball-like clouds floated lazily across the baby-blue-hued sky.
“Wanna ride?” Allison interrupted her observation of the heavens above.
“Umm, yeah, sure,” Sylvia replied, following Allison into the parking lot and to her mother’s green Chevy Impala.
“Sylvia! How are you?” Allison’s mother poked her head out the open window to beam at her daughter’s best friend.
“Good, Mrs. Turner.”
“How was the trip?”
“Fun,” Sylvia replied, forcing a smile before ducking into the back seat. Allison smiled apologetically at her as she climbed into the passenger seat.
“How was school, girls?”
Allison smiled and went off on a tangent about all the hot boys in the upper classes. Sylvia just smiled, turning to gaze forlornly out the window, her thoughts returning to her father.
He had shown up at the airport decked out in his finest suit, back from a business trip. He had quickly had her settled in his house’s guest room and then out to dinner, introducing her to his new girlfriend, Diana. That part had been hard, seeing her father with another woman, one that was younger than her mother by at least ten years.
Sighing, she forced the memories to stop. It was too much to handle now in the car with her friend and her mother in the car with her. Before she knew it, they were pulling into her driveway. “Thanks for the ride, Mrs. Turner.”
“No problem, Sylvia. Tell your mom hi for me.”
“Will do.” Sylvia waved goodbye to Allison and left the car, walking the short way to her front door. Upon opening it, her young Beagle, Elliot, came screaming out the door, barking like a madman.
“Oh, Elliot,” she cooed with laughter, scooping up the puppy into her arms. There, he planted wet kisses on her cheeks, smearing her face with his hot saliva. Grimacing, she returned him to the ground and shut the door behind her.
“Hey, Sylvia!” her mother called from the kitchen. Sylvia could hear the clanking of pans as her mother dug around in the cupboards and the smell of boiling green tea. Elliot streaked across the wood floor, his claws click-clacking loudly in the spacious hall. He yipped in excitement when Sylvia followed him into the kitchen.
Mrs. Hunt was positioned before the stove, dressed in a nice suit-and-skirt combo, sensible heels on her feet. “How was your first day?” she asked, pouring a glass of green tea for her daughter.
Sylvia shrugged. “Okay. Kind of hectic. Allison enjoyed all the new date possibilities.”
Mrs. Hunt laughed. “How is that girl?”
“Good. Her mom gave me a ride home. Said to say hi to you.”
“That was nice of her.” She handed the mug of tea to Sylvia who inhaled the heavenly aroma with closed eyes.
“Mmm, nothing like green tea to make you feel better.”
Mrs. Hunt immediately frowned. “I talked to your father last night. He asked if you wanted to go down for winter break.”
“Really?” Sylvia couldn’t ignore the happiness that filled her at this thought.
“Yeah.” Mrs. Hunt frown deepened. “You should call him tonight to tell him your answer.”
“I will.” Sylvia took a sip of her tea. “What are you all dressed up for, mom?”
“Oh!” She almost spilled her tea all over the floor. “That reminds me, I have to go check out this older home on the edge of town. Would you like to come?”
Her mother was the one of few Real Estate Agents of Bridgewood and it seemed she always received the jobs including vacant homes. Sylvia had always enjoyed going along to see them and going through all the odd stuff people leave behind. “Sure. I have no homework.”
“Great! I’ll meet you in the car.”

The house was an old Victorian with a rotted porch and boarded up windows. The lawn was in desperate need of a cut and the trees were drooping with overgrown branches. “Wow,” Sylvia mumbled, glancing sidelong at her mom, who was chewing her lip in sudden anxiety.
“Yeah. They told me it was a pick-me-up but…” she trailed off, cutting the engine and stepping outside.
“Well, they were right,” Sylvia commented, smirking at the siding which was peeling, and the vines snaking around the posts of the porch. She followed her mother as she ventured up the weak stairs to the front door. Every step brought about a creak and a shudder from the whole building as if it was about to fall apart at any moment.
Inside, it was filled with dusty corners and covered furniture. Cobwebs swung from the light fixtures and slivers of sunlight streamed through the cracks of the boarded windows. But, beside all these things, Sylvia felt a sort of respect for this aged building. It seemed to carry ancient history, and she suddenly felt like an intruder in a sacred place.
“What happened here, mom?” she mumbled, almost whispering as she followed her mother from the foyer to the kitchen.
“The lady on the phone said her great-great-aunt used to live her and when she died thirty years ago, it was handed down to her. But she hasn’t done anything with it. She lives in northern Texas and has no use for it. She called our company just yesterday and asked if I could find someone to fix it up and sell it for her.”
“Why doesn’t she want it?” Sylvia was mystified. In the kitchen, a corner of the tarp covering the table was overturned and she was able to spy a smooth, glossy surface from within. On closer inspection, she discovered antique wood with intricate designs on the legs. The table alone looked to cost a fortune.
“She says she has no relatives that live in Nevada so she is decided to sell after all these years of vacancy.”
“Hmm…” was all Sylvia managed to say as she migrated to the next room.
It was a modest-sized living room with all the couches and other miscellaneous items covered with the same dusty tarp. But as she stepped further into the room, she found a round mirror hanging precariously on the wall. Its surface was covered in grim and it’s gold finishes were dulled by years of neglect. She felt a sort of magnetic pull to it and without thinking, she stepped up and swiped her hand across the surface of the glass, clearing a small square to see. Her face looked back at her—light blonde hair parted in waves around her face, tanned complexion, dark blue eyes, and thin lips; a younger image of her mother.
Thank you.”
“Your welcome,” Sylvia replied before her reflection transformed into a look of horror and she spun around with a crazed look to her eyes. The room was bare, absent of all human life except herself. Her chest heaved, her heart banging against her ribs, hoping to escape. She swore she heard a man’s voice thank her…No, that was crazy! She was crazy! No one had spoken.
Shaking her head, she quickly left the room and returned to the kitchen to join her mother. Mrs. Hunt was on the phone, already making plans with the local contractors to fix up the ancient Victorian. Sylvia’s pulse was still jumping erratically against the skin of her wrist. The voice still echoed in her head, smooth and velvety. It was so real that she found it hard to believe that she had imagined it. But that was the only solution.
Unless she deemed herself insane.
“Ready?”
Her mother’s voice shook her from her thoughts.
“Yeah. Got all the plans ready?”
“Yes. The contractors are coming out on Saturday to take a look and give me a price to pass onto Mrs. Cooper. Maybe you should tag along?” Mrs. Hunt was already at the car door, but Sylvia was still on the porch, staring back into the house. Strangely, she didn’t want to leave. This made her pulse leap up to unnatural heights again. Straightening her shoulders, she faced her mother.
“Yeah, sounds fun.”
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Oh creepy, I can't wait to see what you do with this whatever you do with it will be great. You have me wondering what happens next. I didn't see any grammar mistakes so far. I love your writing style it is well developed. You are, in my opinion, doing a great job developing you charcters. This is something alot of writers neglect. This is a great story. I am interested to see where you are going with this. The whole obsessed stalker male voice that no one else can hear. Anyways please Pm me when you post more. I'll be happy to read and review it for you.
As your pretty, so be wise,
Wolves may lurk in every guise.




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Hi Ashley...sorry it's taken me so long to get here but at least I'm here now! I have at my side a glass of milk and a bar of fruit and nut choolate so fully armed to make a decent critique out of my silly ramblings...haha

Since her parents had divorced almost four years previous,


Should this be "previously"? I'm not sre but maybe someone else could lend a hand as far as this is concerned...

All last week, he had showered her with love and affection, getting her everything her heart desired from a new pair of shoes, to a Wii.


Change "Wii" to "games console" so it isn't so time-framed....I'm not a fan of using brand names in literature

It was like all last week had been a wonderful, yet strange dream.


Add another comma after the word strange..."wonderful, yet strange, dream."

She craned her head upward to see her friend, Allison,


this should be upwards

Her parents never were even married when they had Allison and her father had ditched long before she was two.


This read really awkwardly....try this...[i]Her parents weren't even married when they had Allison and her father had ditched them both long before she was two."[i]

I like this piece and am looking forward to reading more! Get writing mrs!
Olivia
xxx
If you wake up in the morning and all you can think of is writing, then you're a writer...




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Kaylyn:

Yeah, I want it to be creepy now but as the story goes on, it should get more sentimental...at least, that's what I'm aiming for. It might change the more I write. hehe :wink:

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! :D

olivia1987uk:

Milk and a fruit nut bar, huh? Mmmm, sounds yummy to me! :D hehe

Hey, you gave me a good review. You always do so no worries.

Thanks so much, olivia. Will be making corrections soon.
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Ashley-
So I read the prologue and this chapter and man, was I amazed.
:lol: Don't we all have friends like Allison. The one who thinks the upperclassmen are hot. :roll:
I liked how you had the prologue in two years into the future. It gives us a sense of what happened in the future and what we can look forward too.
For this chapter, I amazed on how well you are with your descriptions. You're very talented.
I would like to know (maybe you are) about this ghost who (maybe) haunts this old Victorian house. And man, do I love historical buildings. :D
Well, olivia1987uk marked out the grammar mistakes, so there's none for me there.
Anywho, pm me for chapter two. I would like to see what's going to happen.
-Merry
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<




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Merry_Haven:

Thanks so much! :D

Yeah, I plan to keep going with this so I guess just keep your eyes open for more :wink:

Thanks again!
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Gender Female
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Well, it looks like I'm hooked. Sorry it took me so long to read this, but I'm glad I decided to read it today. As always, your descriptions and dialog are enjoyable to read. I like the flashback thing you have going on here, it lets us get to know the MC better. There was nothing grammatically wrong with this, so all I have to say is wonderful job and I'm off to read the next chapter.

~Angel
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.



I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear