Repentance

REPENTANCE

As the Ephemera wilts and dies alone in solitude

It's petals falling slowly swiftly softly to the ground

so do I feel the isolation of long lost love, full of sorrowful remorse leaving me destitute

You sit in lonely slumber and do not move nor utter a sound
Though I make amends now for what I have done still I feel such a neglect to relent

For such a sin to which seems one cannot repent

It is this that causes me such disdain and distress

In a confrontation of Heated debate

I stand before you now ready to confess

I truly never meant to utter those words of scorn and Hate

as A wise man once said "The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship"

So this I vow to you now never again shall I let my tongue slip

Secretly I ask myself this inwardly as a new day comes Now the sun has arisen

Please my love say all is forgiven?

Ooooh! Yes I like it! The last line is very good it really cuts your poem cleanly off leaving your audience wonderfully on the edge of your seat, like a good a symphony. You had a few capitalization errors I believe, I'd fix that. But all in all this is a work of art! Genius!

This poem was in a word, interesting. However, the message is quite muddled, at least for me.

-ADD grammar (as with "Mother")
-I might suggest rhyming in this poem, if you can. It worked well in the last line.

Adrian

Thank You Both!
Adrian My message was not meant to be muddling it was A message simply to ask a Loved
One for forgiveness for A sin he/she Committed!
Also I never used emphasis on it Being Man nor woman so as not to be sexist
it can be either
I left that Part to be Interpreted by the reader

And as For rhyming can YOU honestly find a Word that goes with Solitude?
and makes sense in the following Line "So do I feel the isolation of long lost love, full of sorrowful remorse leaving me ......"
Destitute as I am sure you know it's meaning to be IS either Needy or Deprived
of something or in this case Someone

And "still I feel such a neglect to relent" we feel too ashamed to give in to our conscious


Disdain is to feel "Unworthy" Which i think fits quite nicely within the phrase "disdain and distress"

and here i used Scorn and hate simply to mean Mock or Scoff

We all do this to others at some point in our lives

But As the Rules Clearly state A poet is NOT a poet If he Is to EXPLAIN his POEM right?

So I will Try in the next Poem Or Submission i Submit To explain the meaning fullly without having to go out of context!

Thanks Again for your Advice and Constructive Critique