Slamming Doors and Broken Hearts

OK, I decided to post a poem here . One of my first ones so yeah... hope that you like it.

Slamming Doors and broken hearts

Slamming Doors and broken hearts
Pounded pillows torn apart
Hate and words, no understanding
All the while calm silence reigns

Dignity and stubbornness are ever present here
If ever I have felt this hurt, I have never known

My world has just been torn apart, a perfect day in ruins
Tatters of a former time where peace would reign supreme,
Memories of that former life, slip beneath, unseen

My anger pours out, pain made real
In tears I can’t control
Caught in the middle, it’d just not fair
Whatever are the chances here?

But In my heart I can’t make peace as the other party has
No concern, impassive face, I really do not know


Slamming Doors and broken hearts
Pounded pillows torn apart
Hate and words, no understanding
After that Calm silence reigns

- Simone Robinson

Slamming Doors and broken hearts [b]--- comma
Pounded pillows torn apart[/b] ----these are my favorite two lines of the whole poem! put a period!
Hate and words, no understanding --- period
All the while calm silence reigns --- period



Dignity and stubbornness are ever present here -- comma

If ever I have felt this hurt, I have never known -- period



My world has just been torn apart, a perfect day in ruins --- period or comma

Tatters of a former time where peace would reign supreme,

Memories of that former life, slip beneath, unseen -- period



My anger pours out, pain made real

In tears I can’t control -- period

Caught in the middle, [s]it’d[/s] just not fair -- you mean its?
What[s]ever [/s]are the chances here?-- I suggest taking out the ever on whatever, I'd sound better that way

But In my heart I can’t make peace as the other party has -- commaNo concern, impassive face, I really do not know -- period




Slamming Doors and broken hearts -- comma

Pounded pillows torn apart -- period

Hate and words, no understanding -- comma

After that Calm silence reigns -- period and why'd you capitalize calm?


Over all this was a nice poem, I love the lines, "Slamming doors and broken hearts, pounded pillows torn apart"

You just had some grammer issues is all. Keep writing and don't be afraid to post!


keep up the good work!


---Jon---

It was really awesome. You did really good on this. I loved it. However you made one spelling mistake: it’d
Other then that you did really good. Don't be so shy.

Whoah, I love love love this. The sad thing is though, I can realte to this. *heheheh*

Keep writing, this is amazing!

Slamming Doors and broken hearts

Pounded pillows torn apart

Hate and words, no understanding

All the while calm silence reigns


Oh yeah I understand this all to well
Believe me!

You write with wisdom beyond your years
and such an emotion conveyed here within

"My world has just been torn apart, a perfect day in ruins

Tatters of a former time where peace would reign supreme,

Memories of that former life, slip beneath, unseen"

Lines 2 AND 3 were Brilliant just Brilliant!



I loved reading this poem thanks for submitting
If you ever submit another I shall Read it!
Thanks again ;]

You said on one of my post "yey another South African!" SO are YOU South African?
HM just a thought ..

wow.
a very powerful poem
it was pretty great...
it reminded me of how parents sometimes fight and the children are in the middle with the part

Caught in the middle, it’d just not fair

i also liked the part...

Whatever are the chances here

its like the child is saying why are you two even still together?

brillant
keep writting

Thanks for the reviews everyone. Much appreciated!

- Sim