Hope, Love and a Nectarine

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Hope, Love and a Nectarine
By: Maki-Chan


Prologue



It wasn’t fair. My entire life, everything was just given to me on a silver platter. I was always the special one, the important one, the one that just ‘always’ had to be there, but there I was- sitting in my math class in my high school. Where I was the most popular girl, and everyone was nice to me. Trying to persuade me to say something good about them, which I absolutely loved. It was the reason why I got up in the morning, but now in this particular math class, of my senior year- a girl was getting better treatment than me! I know that sounds selfish, but before I was given the same loving care as all my other teachers. Filled with false smiles and perfect grades; however now I was failing math! Math is very hard, and the teacher had given me special treatment before, but now… it was a thing of the past. A myth. Now it was like I didn’t even exist. All because of that awful loser, a silent nobody who wasn’t even essential in this world, let alone school. It made total sense that I would cast her aside, and besides it was only harmless teasing. Calling her names, writing bad words on her desk and stealing her stuff from her locker. I only did it to put her in her place. I mean if people didn’t know their place, then the world would be in complete mayhem. There are those who lead and those who follow, and she was clearly a follower. Any idiot could tell you that; however… over the course of the rest of the school year my opinion about the ‘nobody’, justice, life and even my opinion about myself changed dramatically.
Some people say that it was a mistake ever meeting her, let alone being friends with her; unfortunately for them I never had, or will regret the time we spent together.

Now here I am, in a physiologist’s office telling about how I feel. My father had suggested these sessions, and sent me to make my emotions dance for a person I had never met in my life. “Ok, Ashley you can start when ever you want. I am just here as a way to get things off your chest.” The doctor began.
I looked up, seeing the elderly man. It was easy to tell what ‘kind’ of person he was. An old fart, which enjoyed being with younger people, watching the fishing channel, and feeding pigeons at the park- the type of man you feel sorry for, because he lives his days all alone waiting for his family to take him away from the ‘old folks’ home; however it is very hard for me to get rid of old habits. Judging people from their looks, and first time encounters. I sighed. “I suppose I will start two days before I met Cleo. The day I failed my math test…”



(I am still deciding whether or not I will make this a short story or a long one.)
check out my deviantart account ^_^
http://maki121.deviantart.com/




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Hey Maki!

I loved the title, by the way.

You write really well, but your thoughts lack transition. This is okay when you're writing a prologue but here I was thrust from one thing to the next. Ashley seems like one of those mean girls but yet she also seems like she's acting. Really, I can't grasp who she is as a person. I don't want to discourage you from writing and I don't mean to be harsh. I have this problem a lot and the only way to fix it is take your time to make your characters real. Focus on everyone around you, give them traits that they have. Don't make her a robot and use transition. Understand?

Hope I helped and please, keep writing,

~Angel
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




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I like the title, actually: it's what got me attracted to read it! :D
I like the detail in the girl's thoughts, because you already get to know her well. I'm still debating whether or not I could like the main character or not, because she's giving off two sides: the superficial, bitchy side that I would despise, and the victim side which makes me wonder why her life changed 'dramatically'.
I also like the warm way you've written it, because I felt comfortable reading this. And the fact that you haven't used her name untill the physiologist said it, because it shows that it bears little importance untill that point.

Keep posting 'cus I liked it!
xx
Keep it Old Skool.




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Points 1650
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HURRAY >_< I finally got some reviews ^_^




Hey Maki!

I loved the title, by the way.

You write really well, but your thoughts lack transition. This is okay when you're writing a prologue but here I was thrust from one thing to the next. Ashley seems like one of those mean girls but yet she also seems like she's acting. Really, I can't grasp who she is as a person. I don't want to discourage you from writing and I don't mean to be harsh. I have this problem a lot and the only way to fix it is take your time to make your characters real. Focus on everyone around you, give them traits that they have. Don't make her a robot and use transition. Understand?

Hope I helped and please, keep writing,

~Angel


Thanks Angel, I just love the title too. I can hardly believe I actually thought of it ^_^ About the transistions, I do not get it. What do you mean? Could you possilbly give me an example. WHen I understand I will do my best and try harder :D



I like the title, actually: it's what got me attracted to read it!
I like the detail in the girl's thoughts, because you already get to know her well. I'm still debating whether or not I could like the main character or not, because she's giving off two sides: the superficial, bitchy side that I would despise, and the victim side which makes me wonder why her life changed 'dramatically'.
I also like the warm way you've written it, because I felt comfortable reading this. And the fact that you haven't used her name untill the physiologist said it, because it shows that it bears little importance untill that point.

Keep posting 'cus I liked it!
xx


Thanks Clup :D YOur answers will be answered in later chapters :P
check out my deviantart account ^_^
http://maki121.deviantart.com/



What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
— Albert Pines