Because - Chap. 6

DELETED

I liked this chapter. It was just a little weird, I mean Mr. Sheldon is just a little weird. Otherwise it was completely perfect, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. LOVED IT!!!

This was a great chapter KJ!!! I think that everything is pulling together well and I love the way this is written. Will Sheldon is a little weird but I am truly mesmerized with his character even though I know he's some type of maniac and...yeah.

Favorite parts:

We hadn’t exactly spoken since that time he had read my poem, but somehow—there really is no explanation as to how—everything between us evolved in a slow smolder of ice and fire. Without words, without acknowledgement. It was there, wrong and all-too real.

acknowledgment

As I walked to my locker, the letter still in my hand, I began to realize for the first time that I looked forward to Journalism more than anything else in my life. More than being with my friends, more than writing, more than being home.
And it wasn’t because of the writing.

Keep up the great work.
~Angel

Whoa, I feel the tension building here.

Again, he's creepy, but appealing. I love it.

I also like how the best friend is like "creep!" when he's looking at Becca, but it's sooo true that if he was looking at Ann, she wouldn't care.

The college thing is slightly unrealistic. Why don't you do something like he enters her in a contest for scholarships that involve writing colleges? I think that might seem a little more probable.

Awesomeness, I'm moving on!

KJ-
First off, Congrats Becca!! It's so cool that she got the scholarship.

Yeah, I agree with everyone else, here. If Sheldon was looking/glancing at Ann she wouldn't be calling him a pedophile.

Does Heath have to be such a guy? The whole fight thing is so immature.

Oh, I do wonder what's going to happen at the football game.

I need to stop babbling because seven is what I need!

-Merry

I love this chapter. Really interacting with Will is just so creepy after the last chapter. But, we start spiraling downward, deeper into this whole charming vibe that Will has. Kind of reminds me of Sylar from Heroes, some characters can't help but trust him.

After a time, I began to dread and anticipate Journalism [s]in[/s] with a burst of pain in my stomach.

I think that 'with' works better for what you're trying to say.

But was anything in my life normal? Was the whole situation normal? No. And after more time, I left normal behind, knowing that I couldn’t be a part of it.

I like this paragraph, as it suggests that she got deeper in this with time. I thought the first sentence was interesting, though, because we don't quite get the impression that she was that abnormal. Of course, we do get hints of it, but not something definite, but that means that your character wasn't whining about it and that is good.

Will Sheldon started to stare at me. He stopped pretending. Even Ann noticed.

A real nitpick, but these sentences seem a bit too choppy for me, a bit too short and I think they could be connected at some point.

I knew it was; I could feel his eyes on me: probing, watching, knowing.

Also a nitpick, but a colon could also work there.

It was there, wrong and all-too real.

I like this part of the story, but here's another nitpick. I think you're either missing a hyphen, or you need to get rid of the first hyphen.

I didn’t mention the fact that if it had been [s]she[/s] her Will Sheldon had been staring at, reporting him would have been the farthest thing from her mind.

I'm not too sure about this, but the use of 'she' in that spot just seemed wrong, and I think it's supposed to be 'her.' You could also rewrite that sentence, but I think 'her' seems to fix it.

[s]a[/s] one kid shouted at another, shoving him.

Another nitpick, just something my brain suggested to me, since this kid was suppose to be a throwaway character. Also, the next sentence is on the border to being a run on sentence. You could probably cut it off right as you reach Heath's reaction to the two kids.

And, I do like that one reviewer's suggestion about a contest, that might lead up to college. Contests are a lot easier to apply to when you're a teacher than colleges. And, it's also less creepy for the beginning of his obsession. Getting her accepted into a contest or something is a much lighter way of working on his obsession.

As I walked to my locker, the letter still in my hand, I began to realize for the first time that I looked forward to Journalism more than anything else in my life. More than being with my friends, more than writing, more than being home.

The perfect ending, once again. I do love being sucked into their lives.

Overall, another amazing chapter. I love how we're getting deeper into this whole thing, and I love how you're slowly feeding us information of both the past and the present. I love this style of yours.

Off to read the next!