This is a great short little poem! It really kind of tells a story even though it is only two lines. I think that if you made it longer it could really be a great poem but right now it kinda leaves me wanting more. nobody really knows that alot of people that were nazis di it because if they didnt they would have been killed them selves.
"my job was twofold 1)save lives 2)take lives. Not necessarily in that order."
If you're wanting to lengthen this (which might help bring out the poetic aspect of it) I'd advise doing some research. A lot of Schutzstaffel played the "I was taking orders!" card but it generally wasn't that true. A good example is the leader of Auschwitz himself. Another thing to consider is that most of them were cruel of their own desire - the idea behind the camps weren't meant to be that horrible but no one really minded if it went the wrong way. There were some SS officers who weren't to blame, but those would be the ones who held office jobs rather than, say, as guards of the trains, camps, or cremetoria.
Something to think about.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
This poem is great! It tells so much in just two short lines, and personally, I think you should just make it a little longer, so people can get a good general picture of whats happened.. and since it rhymes, you should make the rhythm just a little more even..You can never slack on rhythm, even if its only two lines.. Other then that, I loved this poem!!! Keep writing!
I came into this world wrinkled and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world wrinkled and ugly. So I enjoy life.
Hi, thank you all very much for your replies. I know you all said that i should lengthen it, but as it is supposed to be an epitaph (which is an inscription on a grave if anyone doesn't know, i certainly didn't until a couple of days ago), it should only be a rhyming couplet or triplet at most. Plus it's kind of supposed to leave you wanting more. But i might write something similar but longer using your suggestions. Unfortunately i have no points at the moment so can't post anything else
O and Suzanne i found it really interesting what you said about people playing the 'i was following orders' card. Loads of people were obviously in an awful position as they could be killed or worse if they didn't follow orders. Plus it would be a bit pointless to argue as someone else would do it.
But as you said, there were those who voluntarily committed these acts and were cruel because of their own desires. Might be interesting though to write something about people in offices that knew what was going on and did nothing or looked the other way. Anyway that's mainly waffle. Hope it made sense.
Will try and improve rhythm, any suggestions?
So once again, thank you all for reading,
All the best,
Holly
