Killing

Killing

His perfectly formed carcass
lay exposed to the breezes, like vultures,
that clawed against my clothes.
Two bullets traced staccato tunnels
through his delicate, textured skin.
His eyes stayed sealed
on some salient silhouette
who still believed no spirit
could sketch such cold,
metallic misery
in this realm.
I reflected his stare
for a quiet moment,
as a white blanket
drew the last whisper of dignity
over the artist’s lasting masterpiece.

Gahks wrote:Killing

His perfectly formed carcass
lay exposed to the breezes, like vultures,
that clawed against my clothes.
Two bullets traced staccato tunnels
through his delicate, textured skin.
His eyes stayed sealed
on some salient silhouette
who still believed no spirit
could sketch such cold,
metallic misery
in this realm.
I reflected his stare
for a quiet moment,
as a white blanket
drew the last whisper of dignity
over the artist’s lasting masterpiece.

WOW this poem was really good. Well done. It was really moving and descriptive. I loved the last three lines, they were really effective keep writing!

This is a good poem. It almost sounded to me as though it should be the sort of poem that should be whispered if it was even to be read out at all. There just seems to be some form of secrety about it.

I loved your language use, more complex than any I would use and very effective. It's times like this I wish I was that good.

Very vivid and quite horrific description (in a good way). I do think though that there doesn't seem to be much structure as to how you lay it out. That might be a way to improve it.
Other than that it was very good.
All the best, Holly

very very good poem. first two lines and i was hooked, i had a vivid image in my head, and that takes talent, you know: when your reader doesn't even have to try to get a picture in their head, and a vivid one at that.

now, im probably being really stupid right now, but i just cant seem to get the ending, like the last three lines that criscaraway found so intriguing. but hey, im only human okay, so could someone please explain that to me?

anyways, i very much enjoyed reading this poem, even if the imagery was not exactly uplifting in any way whatsoever. thank you much!