Chapter Eighteen
The Letter
Bailey was sleeping on the sleigh bed. They boy could probably sleep through a nuclear holocaust. I sat cross-legged on the opposite side of the bed and stared at the envelope. My name was scrawled in the middle in the perfect penmanship. I traced the letters of my own name with my index finger. It looked so pretty in his handwriting.
I couldn’t find it in my heart to open it, at least not right away. So I paced my bedroom for a while thinking about what was going on at my house. Would it be painful for—Jasper?
I shook my head and tried to think of something else.
I couldn’t. The letter was haunting me, I had to read it.
I sat back on the bed and opened the envelope. It had two papers with the same handwriting from the envelope. Absolutely perfect.
Dearest Genevieve,
If you are reading this, that means I found it in the depths of my being to let go of you. I had asked Nigel to give this to you once I was well enough on my own. Which, I’m not exactly sure what that means at this point. He is under instruction to stay with you, to be your friend. I know this is tough, it is for me as well.
I am watching you sleep as I write. There is nothing more wondrous than watching the love of my life dream sweet dreams. I have learned so much about you when you sleep. You speak so clearly, it’s hard to tell if you are really sleeping. By what you say, I’d guess you dream about me and the stories you’ve been told about my past. You say that you love me. You say that the most.
You told me once, when I brought this topic up to you, that it’s only when you dream of me. It started when you first heard the news of Susan’s death. An odd way for us to be connected.
It’s strange, how our paths crossed. You would come to me in your dreams. You always had a light aura around you, a light yellow. When I close my eyes now, I can easily picture it. Maybe we were soul mates in another life.
You are so average and yet so unique. Maybe average isn’t the right word to use here. No one word can describe how you seem to me. You mean everything to me and always will. I know these words may be useless to you now, but you must know. You have to try to understand me when I say this. This letter was never meant to hurt you.
I will make one promise to you. I promise that I will stay complete in myself. I promise that I will never move on.
Please, let me explain.
You have changed me, made me better, and want to do more. For you, I will experience life as you have asked me to do. Even if this means I have to fill each day with an unbreakable schedule so that I won’t think of you. I will never try to find you.
I am not human, Genevieve. I have spent far too long pretending that I am. We would have never worked out from the very beginning. Personality wise, we are prefect for one another in my opinion. But that only goes so far. Nigel can’t be with a human for more than a few years before he must move on. Although I’m a little ahead of the race here, it should be done now before things get out of hand.
You must realize this is mostly about your protection. I will never put you in any danger. Just the thought of you hurt in any way—I would never forgive myself for hurting you.
I’m sorry.
Which reminds me, I ask only one thing in return. Even though I have no right to do so, please take care of yourself. I can’t say that I know what you’re going through but, Genevieve, you can’t keep hurting yourself like this. Love, if you die because you think your not good enough, well, that one is all you. No one can hold your hand and help you though it.
You are strong enough to pull through on your own.
It seems a bit backwards, our good-bye. I knew we would have to part for you can’t live with your father forever. I was just hoping we could have more time to spend together. However, it is I who is leaving, but I’m not leaving you behind. I hope you understand the difference. You still have a life to live, so go and live it.
I know this isn’t much of a letter, and some of my incoherent ramblings may confuse you, but I love you, Genevieve. No amount of time or space that is put between us will ever change that.
I will only add one more thought, for I know I am wasting your sweet, precious time.
I was meant to die all those years ago. But by some leap of fate, I stayed partly alive. My theory about that was because I needed to meet and fall in love with you before my life could continue.
I’m taking the next step in my life, Genna, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and do the same.
With all the love in the world,
Jasper
My hand shook since the very first line. I reread the last line repeatedly in my head. He never intended to come back to me. Jasper was leaving me forever.
I sat on the floor, leaning against the bed and watched the sun rise. Well, it didn’t exactly rise as much as just became a little lighter. The clouds were thick that day. They weren’t rain clouds, just depressing shadowing clouds. I sat there for hours and hours, just staring.
Bailey woke up then. He stretched and started panicking when he realized he wasn’t in his own bed. “Genna?”
I had to recompose my face then, I had to be strong for him. I stood up and smiled. “Good mornin’, Bro,” I said, overly cheerful.
His forehead creased and stomach rumbled. I was hungry myself, I might actually have eaten if I wasn’t afraid of throwing it back up. Eating in this state, that’s not really a good idea.
Just as I went to leave the bedroom, it burst open causing me to jump and gasp. It was Heather and Jessica with a tray of food.
“I thought you two might be hungry,” Jessica said with a cheery smile. Her smile was a lot more composed than mine probably was.
Heather handed me some cloths and said, “You are a little smaller than us, but these should fit.” Then they handed some cloths to Bailey. “We made a special trip to the store for you.” Heather said, poking his nose as she spoke.
I tugged on Jessica’s purple sweater and she followed me into the hall. We had a lot to talk about.
