Please read the original one (called "Remember The Time") and tell me which one you like better. The first one is a lot shorter though.
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Remember the time we first met? I do. It was the fourth of July. The fireworks were exploding in the sky, reflecting off my eyes that were stuck to you like glue. The colors that seemed to rain from the stars with each BOOM that crashed through everyone's chest each time an ember was sent through the air.
Here's a secret that I never told you...the BOOMs that we all felt came from me. My heart was jumping at my chest trying to get to you; trying to get to you each time your face lit up with a different shade of blues and greens and reds.
Remember how I was so afraid to talk to you that I kept my eyes on the ground counting my steps, while you ran around with our friends and smiled the way you do.
You were smiling that smile you wear to try to keep all that sadness inside.
I found out later that your lips are the switch; when the corners turn down, your emotions turn on. You cry on my shoulder and dig your fingers into my back. I would hold you tighter to let you know I wasn't going to let you go. I would hold you closer because I thought maybe if I brought you in close enough, I could be with you forever.
Remember when you came up to me and asked me what I thought about you? Remember how my mouth dropped open and no words came out?
I do. My heart was doing that BOOMing thing again.
Did you feel it?
I did.
Kind of ironic, isn't it? We met on Independence day and ever since then I've been dependent on you.
Remember that other time? The time at his house where you were jumping on the couch and I walked by and you hopped on my back?
Do you know that I tried my hardest to keep from smiling like an idiot?
Remember when you first told me how you felt like you could tell me anything? That's one thing I won't forget.
You fingers were dug into my back again. Your skin was brushing against mine. It was cold outside, but we didn't care that our clothes were long gone somewhere else. Every word you spoke fled from your mouth with an explosion of steam.
Like a firework.
The moon was the only light in the field we where in. It was just you, and me, and the moon; shining down on us, lighting the way.
That was the closest we'd ever been.
Did you know my heart was ready to burst, like a firework? Do you know that I still think about that everyday?
Remember the time you forgot about me? Because if you do, I'd really like to know.
Do you remember the time I spilled my heart out to you?
Remember how the tears were running down my face? Remember how you walked away, leaving me in that same field, the tears freezing at my feet.
The moon wasn't out that night.
Remember when you told me the truth, the truth about him and you?
I had asked, touch me or don't, just let me know where you've been.
That's a question I never should have asked.
Because I got an answer that I never wanted to get.
You captured the emotions you wanted to capture perfectly. There wasn't anything that ruined the flow of the story. I think you typed "could" instead of "cold" though.
