The Silent Reindeer

It was Christmastime in 1998 for the two-legged animals that lived across the barren fields in the small structures they called houses. Strange things were seen in those days and caused much chaos among the reindeer groups that we would wander restlessly across the fields from house to house.

On one chilly afternoon when the sky was dropping powdery flakes of ice, three two-legged figures paraded across the field to a young clump of evergreens. They shouted commands at each other before taking out an odd contraption. We stood back a few hundred feet, watching, until they powered up the tangle of chains, gears and blades. As it roared to life, my whole group dashed for the distant trees leaving me and one other reindeer behind. The two of us watched silently as they brought the machine close to a tree. It whined a little louder and then bought the tree to the ground with a thud. We stared in horror before taking off in the direction of the herd.

After the sun had set, we wandered among the houses looking in silent horror at the strange things they had created. Lights had been strung and twinkled from the edges of every house. The young trees that had fallen all too soon stood behind the framed panes of glass, trimmed in the strange strings of light. Little red-and-white men with cloud like beards dotted the lawns in sleighs, carrying large sacks slung over their shoulders. We wandered from figure to figure, cautiously sniffing each one until we realized there was something wrong. The figures were spellbound and couldn't move.

We danced around the lawns gleefully for a time after realizing that the shapes couldn't move or shoo us away. We danced our dances of joy and nibbled the sweet, tender grasses that we had been forbidden to eat. Occasionally we would stop check our surroundings or sniff another statue.

When the celebration died down, we walked around gathering the members of our herd. We spotted another deer grazing in a nearby lawn with a small one at her side. A few of us trotted over to greet her, but she did not raise her head as we approached nor did the young one shift his gaze. Our leader pawed the ground and then cautiously sniffed her and tossed his head. She too was cursed by the silent spell that no man or deer could free her from.


It's been such a long time since I have been on here▬ or better yet, written anything▬ but constructive criticism would be appreciated. I know it's mostly rubbish, but is it a start?

Hey springrain!

I'm glad you've decided to join us again! We should be honoured!

Anyway, I love the perspective you're writing from here! Just a couple of suggestions to make...

Strange things were seen in those days and caused much chaos among the reindeer groups that we would wander restlessly across the fields from house to house.

Awkward sentence, particularly for the opening paragraph...It took me readin it a couple of times to get what you meant and I'm still confused enough not to be able to re-write it for you!

On one chilly afternoon when the sky was dropping powdery flakes of ice, three two-legged figures paraded across the field to a young clump of evergreens.

On one chilly afternoon, ..... add this comma! Makes it flow better!

After the sun had set, we wandered among the houses looking in silent horror at the strange things they had created.

You've just used the word horror at the end of the previous paragraph...get that thesaurus out and have a gander! Lol!

The young trees that had fallen all too soon stood behind the framed panes of glass, trimmed in the strange strings of light.

The young trees, that had fallen all too soon, stood behind the framed panes of glass, trimmed in the strange strings of light.

Little red-and-white men with cloud like beards

cloud-like

Occasionally we would stop check our surroundings or sniff another statue.

Missing conjunctive...stop and check


Hope this helps! PM me if you have any questions

It was Christmastime in 1998 for the two-legged animals that lived across the barren fields in the small structures they called houses.

There should be a space between Christmas and time.

Strange things were seen in those days and caused much chaos among the reindeer groups that we would wander restlessly across the fields from house to house.

This sentence just doesn't sound right to me. Consider rewording it.

We stood back a few hundred feet, watching, until they powered up the tangle of chains, gears and blades.

There should be a comma after gears.

As it roared to life, my whole group dashed for the distant trees leaving me and one other reindeer behind.

There should be a comma after trees.

Overall, this was a good story. I like how you wrote it from the reindeer's perspective. I also liked how you added their thoughts on the strange Christmas decorations.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

-Venom

June. You need to post something new, so I can go grammar picky. Hehe.

The title was amazing, it stuck out and I love it. I can see it being made into a novella.

I would add on to it if you haven't yet. The desciption was breath-taking.

Everything else was pretty much already said.

This was adorable! A great pleasure to read!

Everything that I had noticed was said, so I don't have anything to pick on X) One of the things I think you did best in this piece was setting up the...well, setting XD I liked how you gave the date, the time of year, and a thorough description of ths surroundings.

I love how you told it from the reindeer's P.O.V. and how you referred to people as "two legged creatures". The description of the decorations was adorable as well ^^

I also like how the title tied in very well to the story, in the way that the reindeer were silent as they played around the yards ^^

Overall, I think you did a fantastic job This made me smile n_n

Awsome work, keep it up

~Rayne