Turkey mania: Vegas turkey

Already here I wish to say that if this in anyways hurts your (feelings or something else) I'm sorry.



VEGAS TURKEY:


The turkey was watching what the farmer was doing with awe. The farmer had in his hands a silver colored object with a sharp blade. The turkey looked as the farmer bent down upon him.

"Bokaa!" screeched the turkey as the farmers hand came down with a bang.

The farmer swore and tried to hit the turkey again, with his big gleaming silver axe. But the turkey was gone. It had escaped through the open gate. The farmer cursed and ran inside his small hut of a house, to get his rifle. But when he got out it was too late, the turkey was gone.

The turkey was running on something black and hard. It had for some odd reason white stripes on it. The turkey suddenly heard a sound. A great metallic beast was roaring the turkey's way. The turkey jumped. It landed on the car's roof. It took a better position, relieved itself, and enjoyed the ride.
It slept.

When the turkey woke up it was still on the car, the turkey took this as a good omen. Also the turkey was surrounded by big shiny lights and the normal hubbub of people. The next time the car stopped the turkey jumped off, leaving a white, semi dry, spot on the place where it had sat on the vehicle.

The turkey wobbled around the town until it met a dog.

"Excuse me," the turkey said
"Yes," answered the dog from the depths of a garbage can.
"What is this place?" asked the turkey. The dog lifted its head from the can and looked at who it was speaking to.
"Your not from around here, are you," stated the dog.
The turkey shook its head "No. I'm from the country side," it answered.
The dog looked at the turkey for a while and then said in an overly praising tone of voice: "Well this is the king of the cities, the best of the best, the banana on a rotten banana split," at the banana split part the dog licked its lips (Well what ever it has on the spot of lips anyway). The dog held a dramatic pause here and then said in a loud voice: "This is Las Vegas!"
"And my name is Hound. What about your name, country boy?" Hound asked

"Well I come from Salt lake city.... And my name is Dick..." Dick said in a joyful tone.
It took the dog a while to ponder upon the situation.
"Follow," said Hound, and Dick followed.

"First you should consider changing your name. Before you ask why it is because: I'm already having trouble taking you seriously because you're a turkey, but it is impossible for me to take you seriously when your name is Dick..."

"Secondly," Hound continued. "Do you know how to play poker?"

"No," Dick answered

"Then we must teach you how."

AFTER 48 H

"Does anyone raise? Tom, Sidney, Dick.... Hound?"

The turkey threw in two more rotten eggs, the cat besides him (named Tom by the way) threw in some more fish guts.
They were in an old cellar under an Italian restaurant,

"Show your cards people," commanded Hound.

The turkey showed his cards... He ad a straight, Tom showed his cards, he only had two pairs.

"Gimme the load piggy bank," demanded Dick.

"Dick. I would rather like it if you called me by my real name, not piggy bank," said a small pig in the corner of the table. "My name is My name is Cornelius B. Ounsy Piggington, please do respect that."
Dick seamed unconcerned and Cornelius let out a sigh.
Hound spoke to Dick: "Now Dick, you have mastered poker, Hold 'em and Blackjack. It is time for you to choose your casino."
"You know where I want to go... The La grande Casino," Dick said the obvious.
When the turkey and the dog arrived to the La grande casino, people looked with awe as they walked (Well Dick wobbled) to the Hold 'em table, won some money and left. Dick started coming to the Casino every Saturday.

This is how the legend of the Vegas turkey, also known as "Dick," was born, it is still debated if Dick's Never ending wining streak is just a commercial that the casino is putting up, or is it just luck on the turkey's side.

Wow what an odd piece...it actually made me laugh! I can understand about some people possibly getting offended but noe, and that's good since I'm reviewing it, I suppose!

Anyway, here goes!

The farmer sweared and tried to hit the turkey again with his big silver axe.

You've already used the word silver so try another, such as gleaming.

The farmer sweared and ran inside his smll hut of a house, to get his rifle.

Typo - smll = small

The trurkay was running on something bnlack and hard. It had for some odd reson white stripes on it. The turkey suddenly heard a sound. A great mettalic beast was roarring the turkeys way. The turkey jumped. It landed on the car's roof.

This is full of typos...I won't go through them with you because I'm sure you'll find them on a read through. I would change the wording in the last sentence here though perhaps to It landed on the roof of the car.

When the turkey woke up it was still on the car, the turkey took this as a good omen. Also the turkey was surrounded by big shiny lights and the normal hubbup of people. The next time the car stopped the turkey jumped off, leaving a white, semi dry, spot on the place where it had sat on the car.

Stop saying the word turkey! Use another, like bird, or even "it" in some circumstances!

"Your not from around here, are you." Stated the dog

This seems like a question, without the question mark, yet you have dubbed it a statement...take a look please

The dog looked at the turkey for a while and then said in a prasing tone of voice "Well this is the king of the cities, the best of the best, the banana on a rotten banansplit." At the banansplit part the dog licked its lips (Well what ever it has on the spot of lips anyway). THe dog held a brief brake here "This is Las Vegas!" it stated in a loud voice "And my name is Hound. What about your name, country boy?" Hound asked

Again, full of typos...did you write this in a rush?

The poker game amused me...very random, but quite enjoyable...

PM me if you need anymore help

THX

No problem my dear....give me a shout if you want a helping hand!

The farmer sweared and ran inside his smll hut of a house, to get his rifle.

Swore, small

The trurkay was running on something bnlack and hard.

Turkey, black

A great mettalic beast was roarring the turkeys way.

Metallic, roaring, turkey's

"Your not from around here, are you."

You're

"Well this is the king of the cities, the best of the best, the banana on a rotten banansplit.

*rolls on the ground laughing*

THe dog held a brief brake here

The
This doesn't make to much sense...rather say something like:
The dog let his words set in...or something.

"First you should consider changign your name.

Changing

"Does anyone raiise?

Raise

He ad a straight, Tom showed his cards, he only had two pairs.

Had


You should definitely become a comedian...in the end, I was struggling to get my breath back!

*takes a bow*



Thank you

Hello!

Reuben and Olivia covered a lot of what I was going to say, so I'll write what I still can.

Overall, it was good. The story was hilarious and random all at once. There was a few spots where I got confused, either due to the typos or because the wording was a little awkward (but like I said, Reuben and Olivia got most of that already). Regardless, the descriptions were very good, and I could actually sort of picture that happening. I laughed at the part where the animals were playing poker - it reminded me of that one painting with all the dogs playing cards.

One thing - the ending seemed a little abrupt, although it may just be me. Otherwise, I loved it!

Let me know if you decide to do anything more with it.

~Evenstar

LOL, that was so funny I showed to some of my freinds that went over to my house, they all said it was funny and coolio! Keep on writeing man, All of your storys are super duper funny!