How?

Who do you turn to
when the only person
who can stop you from crying
is the one who is making you cry?

Where do you go,
when you know that
you'll go home to want to die?

What do you eat,
when he reminds you of your
favorite food?

When do you read,
when the world is stopping,
and you're not in the right mood?


Why I let my heart be taken by you,
broken by you and now
is in pieces because of you,
is something that I'll never know.

Don't ask me how it hurts to breathe
because every breath I take
proves I can't live without you.
That might seem low...

I was told that if you love someone
put their name
in a circle not a heart,
a heart can break
but a circle goes on forever.

I was told that if you love someone

put their name

in a circle not a heart,

a heart can break

but a circle goes on forever.



that, right there, is poetry

aww! Thanks!

Ummm....Can I please have some reviews? Anyone? *sniffle*

Love is always painful , no matter what we do, when, why or how. Even if everything seems quite fine, there is always kind of a trick that bothers you, makes you think what will happen in the nearest future. And when it breaks, so does love, and it's like a chain effect, it breaks your heart. Heart is a thing (if I may call it so) that noone can truly understand (speaking of own experience). And though it is breaking, and it seems so fragile and hurt, and afterwards so badly scarred, you'll understand sooner or later that the broken heart only makes you, er, stronger in the aspects of life. (Sorry for such a long description).

"Don't ask me how it hurts to breathe

because every breath I take

proves I can't live without you.

That might seem low...



I was told that if you love someone

put their name

in a circle not a heart,

a heart can break

but a circle goes on forever."

Well, in my opinion, the best of this poem. But think for a moment, what does that hurting breath give you? What does it tell you? How it affects you? =)

Aust.

i appreciate the effort you put into this work, but i find it kind of trite and cliched. there really isn't much here other than what is seen at face value. i'm sorry, but i'm not a fan. keep writing though. try to incorporate more art into your poems.

-zalarus

if we talk about the poem itself, don't take it personally,but i didn't see anything new in it...
i mean, the words that you've used here aren't new to me and you didn't put them together in a way that would make me say: "wow!!! this is it!!!"
in my opinion, you could make it better...
the only thing that i liked here is the last stanza:

"I was told that if you love someone

put their name

in a circle not a heart,

a heart can break

but a circle goes on forever."

O_O
it truly made me say: "woooooooooooow"
this was reaaaaaaaally beautiful and new to me,
this was a real poetry : ]]


if we don't talk about the poem,
the only thing i can say to you is to be strong...
love is tough and there is no love without pain.
if you feel and know that you can do something to save it, don't think twice!!!
if you don't feel this way, then i guess it just wasn't meant to work between two of you...

anyway, i won't try to make of myself your psychologist, so the only advice i would give to you is:
try to think about everything that's happened, try to figure out what she feels, what was wrong etc.

i won't say anything else because you know everything...
it would be alright. (by the way, it reminds a song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37ezD8TG1ok think you would like it)

wish you a nice week and that you'll find what you're looking for

i agree that the first few stanzas while they're definitely not bad at all (and you get some real bad stuff on here. really) the last stanza is far better than the rest.

This is quite simple, and i do like some of the other lines, but it is a subject that has been done and done and done to death. Its ridiculously hard to write a good poem about heartbreak because so many have tried, but i think you have the skills to do something really interesting if you found a different topic.

Who do you turn to

when the only person

who can stop you from crying

is the one who is making you cry?

**Really cliche here. Try to say this....in a different way. Like through metaphor or analogy, something that interests the reader.



Where do you go,

when you know that

you'll go home to want to die?

**"You'll go home to want to die?" awkward wording. Trying something like You'll want to die when you get home and again, make it more powerful, in this kind of poem you don't want to say things so abruptly because it often comes out cliched.



What do you eat,

when he reminds you of your

favorite food?

*Flat and plain. And I see you're carrying this in all of your stanzas, this sort of pattern. I'd say to change that.


When do you read,

when the world is stopping,

and you're not in the right mood?

**This just doesn't seem like it belongs here at all. Kind of went away from the subject.





Why I let my heart be taken by you,

broken by you and now

is in pieces because of you,

is something that I'll never know.



Don't ask me how it hurts to breathe

because every breath I take

proves I can't live without you.

That might seem low...



I was told that if you love someone

put their name

in a circle not a heart,

a heart can break

but a circle goes on forever.

**Last three stanzas don't seem to fit together at all. If I were you I'd change the voice of this whole thing, right now it seems like you just sort of poured your feelings out and they're not quite in poem form yet.

Happy editing!
~Rieda

The first two stanzas may be slightly cliche, but I like them. And as you've now read many times, the last stanza is amazing. As for the middle four, they kind of break up the flow, disrupting the stream of emotion until the very end.