True Love

My spine
shivers,
my breath comes
in gasps.
My head
spins wildly.
My heart flutters
with the beat
of a hundred
drums.
My lips are
taken
in a
deep kiss.
My hands are
held in
iron tight
grasps.
My lips are
whispering
while his
whisper back.
Tender in love.
We're sweetly
together.

very nice, loved this one.

just a few things ill point out:

My heart flutters

with the beat

of one hundred

drums.

try loosen up the words a bit, try "... of a hundred drums."

My lips are

taken

in a very

deep kiss

same thing here: "... in a deep kiss."
it doesn't really need the very

My lips are

whispering

while his

whisper back.

i liked this one, though perhaps: "My lips whisper while his whisper back." i dunno, dont change this part on account of me, its very good.

it sounded a bit forced and theres a few cliches that i can pick up on, but whats poetry without the occasional cliche?

over all, very well done!
keep writing!

I loved this! It was so great and descriptive!

I can't think of anything that you should fix (that hasn't already been mentioned).. sorry I'm not much of a help.

You are really great at writing poems. I can really feel the emotions you're trying to get across in each one of them. I really liked this one, especially in the beginning where you were said "my spine shivers". I liked that line. It caught my attention.

Keep writing and keep me updated!

-Tianna

CJeanene13 wrote:My spine
shivers,
my breath comes
in gasps.
My head
spins wildly.
My heart flutters
with the beat
of a hundred
drums.

this part reminded me of an ex of mine.
it remind me of a late night i had in winter.
these are my favrite parts of the poem
great job

This a perfect discription of the tender moments we all have when we are in love. Great job capturing it! If I had you perfect way of describing happy things I would be complete, my poems are usually depressing. Just fix the things the other people said and keep writing! Message me when you post something new so I will be sure to read it!

Wow. That was really good.

I could feel your emotion running through the screen, and it was awesome. I don't think that you sounded cliche, but that's just me....


Anyways, keep writing, because you are really good.