Heart in the Wind #1

[s]A Note: This is a start for my novel, a completely different narrative style. It's one of those things that I look back at and think... this is really bad. But other days, I kinda like it. Please be harsh, and this part is a flashback, so imagine it's italicised Thanks in advance! Also, ignore the annoying names

Chapter One: Part I[/s]

... oh my. Did I post this?

umm... Well I have to point out one thing. You are quite the artist with words; however I am not used to this kind of writting. The only thing I can think of that is similar to this is "The Oddessey". I had some trouble figureing out what was happening in the beginning, but i think it has to do something with a 'raid'? Or maybe... I am not too sure. I just think that something attacked that place and burned it to the ground and killed most of the poeple. I have to ask, is this a prologue or just some random thing you wanted to post? This (to me) seems like a prologue to an (Old world) book. Once again you like to paint with words (alot), but you have to keep it under control because I had a somewhat hard time understanding what was happening.

As far as I know there are not any spelling or grammar problems (But what the hell do I know I suck at grammar and spelling).

The plot seems interesting and I would not mind finding out more of what is happening, like...Who attacked the village (i think its a village), why did they attack it, and who is Dalumi? How does he fit into the plot? Stuff like that.

Thanks Maki-Chan!

It's actually a forest, but what's fantastic about getting thoughts on other people is that is shows me how bad I indicate things. I had better make that clearer, so thanks again!

Oh and yes, it's the start of the book (Chapter One )

The lake before him glistened and the waves lashed upon the willows, but that was it.

You talk like you've mentioned the lake before, but you haven't. Rather mention it's name before, then after that you can refer to it as the lake.

Even as he twisted to face Fingrolf’s’ empty face, the course of figures springing from he mist drew him to dismay

How do the figures look? Are they human?

Panting, a shape appeared, a figure, a face, and now closing, raising, blurring, sword high—

Again, how does the face look, you don't have to describe it detailed, but just a form.

Also, you never tell us how the landscape looks except wooded, and ablaze. Was it grass, loose sand...leaves?

But I still do like it so far...