I liked it, i think i liked it more than your other poem but i wasnt too sure about the first paragraph... the brackets just didnt seem to fit, and i dont think it flowed that well, it was more like sentences put into poem order but them still sounding like sentences, i just thought it didnt flow as well as the last one. but i loved the rest of it, i loved your descriptions
SOME WISE WORDS xxx
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts
Hmmm....
I suppose I didn't exactly understand some parts of it.
For example:
(as pale as angels?)
or
(from the dark clouds outside?)
or
(to its roots, or slightly above?)
Are you asking yourself these questions? Or the reader? And what is the point of these questions? It seems like you are unsure as to how you should describe something...
Maybe I am just to stupid to understand it but...fact of the matter is I don't...
But over all its a good piece. Well written, no mistakes that I could see.
:]
