Weeping Willow, Chapter 1, Part 1

This is only the first few lines but I just wanted to see what you all thought of it...




I entered the cafeteria to find nothing had changed. My small group of friends still sat in the central table of the room, whilst others gathered around the benches which varied dramatically in size.
I laughed to myself as I realised how strong the unspoken boundaries of high-school status was, and found myself glad to be inside a group of general indifference.
Emily awoke me from my musings, waving me in the direction of a chair she had saved for me, next to her own. I let a smile wipe my face of the distant gaze it so often held and began to move - along with my full lunch tray - towards the seat.
I received a group acknowledgement that I had arrived, consisting of a small hello and a nod of the head, whilst Emily began her daily anecdotes. “Ash, you will never believe what happened in chemistry…”
I was away after the first sentence. It was not that I wasn’t interested in the wonderful tales she wove, more to do with the fact I wished more than anything to be anywhere but school.
The truth was, the summer had not been the best. Not even Emily noticed, but life was not getting easier. People were still giving me the same looks as they had before summer. I could still hear my name being carried on their lips. “Arya, yeah, apparently…” That was when they would realise I could hear them. I never found out what I had apparently done. I knew the real story. But for now, none of that mattered. I was slowly realising that Emily had finished her tale mid-sentence, and was staring open-mouthed past me.

fistly, very well done
i love the bit about high school. it is so true that people split up into various different groups.! (i can think of a few examples!)
i really love how you have done this.
a few pointers:
1) i found the line...I was away after the first sentence. a little awkward, i knew what u meant but it was just phrased a little wierdly.
2) Also, i think that sometimes your sentences are a little too long. break them down a bit . i found a few places where commas may have been necessary
also, can i ask...is this to do with shadow seeker or have u just used the name again?
very nice cliffhanger
xx

lol, its a different name. and I accidentally put Ash. Ill change it. lol. thank you.

Great start! I'll surely read more when/if you post it! Here's my review bit by bit:

I entered the cafeteria to find nothing had changed. My small group of friends still sat in the central table of the room, whilst others gathered around the benches which varied dramatically in size.

It's not necessary, but I think if you added the complement "that" after "find", then it would sound better. For some reason, I think the two sentences should be connected with a semi colon. If you think I'm wrong, then disregard this (;


I laughed to myself as I realised how strong the unspoken boundaries of high-school status was, and found myself glad to be inside a group of general indifference.

I think 'was' should be 'were', because it's talking about 'boundaries' which is plural, ergo 'were'.

Emily awoke me from my musings, waving me in the direction of a chair she had saved for me, next to her own. I let a smile wipe my face of the distant gaze it so often held and began to move - along with my full lunch tray - towards the seat.

I believe it should be, "Emily woke me [up] from my musings". Dictionary.com says that "awoke" is to arouse from sleep, but all of the examples don't mention it being done to someone else. "Woke" sounds more natural anyway, imo.

I received a group acknowledgement that I had arrived, consisting of a small hello and a nod of the head, whilst Emily began her daily anecdotes. “Ash, you will never believe what happened in chemistry…”

'acknowledgment' is the correct spelling. I also think it'd sound better if you said, "I received the group's acknowledgment..". Also, I think that ",consisting of a small hello and a nod of the head," should be placed after "acknowledgment", because if you leave it as it is, one might assume that the person's arrival consisted of a small hello and a nod of the head. Also, if you do this, it may be better to say "which consisted of a small hello blahblah". And perhaps "which consisted of small hellos and some nodding of the heads" or something like that would be better, because if you keep it as it is, one might assume that only one person smiled and nodded his or her head. So, ultimately, the sentence would be, "I received the group's acknowledgment, [which] consisted of small hellos and some nodding of the heads, that I had arrived, blahblah.

I was away after the first sentence. It was not that I wasn’t interested in the wonderful tales she wove, more to do with the fact I wished more than anything to be anywhere but school.

As previously stated, "I was away after the first sentence." doesn't really sound natural. Perhaps you could say, "I was gone after the first sentence escaped her lips." or something. Also, saying "It was not that I wasn't" sounds blocky and awkward. Saying "It's not that I wasn't blahblah" would sound a lot better, but one may perceive that as confusing tenses. However, you could easily just say that "it's" stood for "it was" =P You ought to add "but [it was]" before "more". Again, adding "that" after "fact" would sound better.

The truth was, the summer had not been the best. Not even Emily noticed, but life was not getting easier. People were still giving me the same looks as they had before summer. I could still hear my name being carried on their lips. “Arya, yeah, apparently…” That was when they would realise I could hear them. I never found out what I had apparently done. I knew the real story. But for now, none of that mattered. I was slowly realising that Emily had finished her tale mid-sentence, and was staring open-mouthed past me.

Perhaps you should add "been" after "had". It's not necessary, but I would. "being carried on their lips" doesn't really sound interesting imo. I think that "passing through their lips" would sound better. Your call, though. I don't understand what was to be meant by "Arya, yeah.." no idea.



I enjoyed the beginning a lot! Good job!