Fickle Promises...

Fickle Promises;
That's all you are,
That's all you'll ever be.

Lies and remorse;
A fake display,
A charade i now see.

Greedy dishonesty;
Stole my feelings,
Stole what i had left.

Your moving on;
So easy for you,
No care about your theft.



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I don't write very happy poems do i !!

I could really feel the anger and distress in this poem. It worked really well. The simplicity of the style seemed to make this even more obvious.
I liked the language you used. It was really good.
The only critisism I have is that I don't feel the last line really rounds it up, I feel you could find a more suitable, more meaningful line to fit this last one.
Overall, I really enjoyed it. Keep Up the Good Work!

By the way, you are right, you don't write very happy poems do you? hehe.

Good Luck!

wow, i agree with natalie; the way the anger came throo was fab! you may not write happy poems but your good at what you do!
great work
i also agree with the comment on the last line.
i think u need a line with more impact.
really short, sweet and powerful. good work
bisquit

Fickle Promises;

That's all you are,

That's all you'll ever be.



Lies and remorse;

A fake display,

A charade i now see.



Greedy dishonesty;

Stole my feelings,

Stole what i had built



Your moving on;

So easy for you,

Why do I bear the guilt?







Thanks for the comments how does tht sound?



xx

YES! that last line is fab!
so so true to some people and leaves impact. exaclty what i meant
great work
very interested and intigued by your work
keep it up!

bisquit